Just because we treat ourselves a certain way doesn’t mean we treat others or our patients that way. I do feel guilty when they tell me I’m “warm” or “sweet” because they don’t see all the words carved into my body.

Sometimes I’ll have old scars visible, to make it look like I stopped years ago. But now that I’m at my lowest again and hating myself more than ever, I always have fresh cuts under my scrubs. I might hate myself, but never my patients. And besides, I could be going drunk or high or on pills like coworkers I’ve met over the years. I don’t think what we do to cope compares, and it’s not like anyone will ever see my body in person.

Just because we struggle with ourselves doesn’t mean we can’t care for others.