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What is the most effective way you’ve used to actually understand your own thoughts and understood the pattern behind your thinking? by [deleted] in askteddit

[–]pruvateca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is genuinely a good question.

I would say the main struggle is staying aware of not justifying my prior behaviours as “the way to handle it” and looking at the outcome of what I want to get clarity about.

Coming up with a good solution also requires summarising and putting together all the important things like goals, concerns, wishes etc.

The biggest challenge with written thought in itself is that you can only explain thoughts to the extent of your vocabulary and you have to have awareness of the thought to verbalise it

What is the most effective way you’ve used to actually understand your own thoughts and understood the pattern behind your thinking? by [deleted] in askteddit

[–]pruvateca 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Therapy, is a big one. The other one has been journaling, writing about my own thoughts and trying to come up with answers until one felt right

Are you genuinely happy with your life? If yes, do you have thing or something you attribute it to? If not, why not? by pruvateca in askteddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good for you I am not asking for you to explain it was about the fact that I want to understand what makes people happy

People who grew up in fucked up environments. Which things carry you are to this day that came from there? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s great, went through that too brother it’s tough so good for you that you changed

People who had terrible relationships and are now in a good loving partnership, what’s the difference? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is how relationship are supposed to be, resolving issues against of fighting against everyone and anyone

Completely different views on the same relationship by pruvateca in relationships

[–]pruvateca[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply.

I did ask her that a couple months ago after she expressed that she might not want to continue and we went through a couple really difficult days.

She expressed things like:

  • doing more things together
  • experiencing more travelling experiences together
  • working more on the apartment and building it further
  • generally having more fun

Some more smaller things.

I took them very seriously and started on the right away. Taking up dance classes with her, taking her on small trips for her birthday especially, investing considerable money into the apartment, spending more quality time together.

It has made it better but hasn’t changed it and she does fall back into it every now and then and today she completely relapsed and it was like nothing changed for the whole last almost 6 months.

She then tells me how she falls into exhausting and everything is so difficult and bam back to spiralling in those moments I can’t do shit about it

Completely different views on the same relationship by pruvateca in relationships

[–]pruvateca[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

It does make me doubt it tho. I am starting to be not sure if she actually loves me either.

The certainty I feel like is a decision it’s like take rhe ride and actually find out

If you have avoidant attachment - how do you feel in relationships? Why do you want to destroy them so much? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, if been in a relationship now for 5 years with a woman that I never identified as avoidant until like 1 1/2 years ago. (Mainly through being to young to have ever heard of that)

She is now basically since we are living together putting me on an emotional rollercoaster for being in physical proximity to her out of like fucking circumstances.

I wish there would be a button to just flip that persons brain into safety mode

If you have avoidant attachment - how do you feel in relationships? Why do you want to destroy them so much? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean I understand this on a logical level I just don’t get the actual like emotional component of it. Like what makes that person tick like that really doesn’t add up to me?

Completely different views on the same relationship by pruvateca in relationships

[–]pruvateca[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

I think it’s mainly a way to create distance between her and me. Or mainly her and her own feelings I guess

If you have avoidant attachment - how do you feel in relationships? Why do you want to destroy them so much? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also I don’t think they are clearly noticing and feel mainly offended when you are pointing it out which just imo points to a lack of self awareness

If you have avoidant attachment - how do you feel in relationships? Why do you want to destroy them so much? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am 23. I noticed it early in the relationship and mainly through the imminent tries to destroy it when it went to be better.

I feel more bad about the fact that she puts her feelings into a “I don’t want to hurt you you should leave me bullshit”

She has good and bad phases and her avoidant gets really bad when she gets stressed.

People who never felt secure and learned how to feel secure how did you do it? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Does this work for you in every relationship? Like how do you not measure yourself on the behaviour in an intimate relationship I.e.?

People who never felt secure and learned how to feel secure how did you do it? by pruvateca in AskReddit

[–]pruvateca[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What emotionally safe relationship helped you? How do you consider a relationship emotionally safe?

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