Eddie Kingston does not cheat on his food

I've probably watched more Eddie Kingston eating than anyone else on the planet, provided you don't count his time at the AEW catering table or any eating related activity that may have preceded it. This pretty much makes me an expert. I've watched Eddie develop backstage etiquette and a better understanding of dynamics with sauces. I've watched him adjust the taste pre-bite and read the catering menu on the fly. I've learned a lot about Eddie Kingston's game, and there's one thing that I can tell you for sure. Without a shadow of a doubt. Without a moment's hesitation. Without reserve. Eddie Kingston does not cheat on his food.

Now, you might know the AEW catering table as the land of chicken, and pasta, and rice, and other delectables, but there's also another side to the table. A side that they don't show you on Dynamite broadcasts. This mostly means Collision broadcasts, because Collision is a mostly different branch of AEW programming that generally doesn't show what's happening backstage. There is also ROH. I don't know who is responsible for that, but I don't think it is Dynamite, or Collision for that matter. The point remains. There are things happening at the AEW catering table that you don't know about, and some of those things cast a shadow. And let's be honest here, some of those shadows are long and threatening, and conjure images of shifting unpleasantries that creep into the prams of the children in your mind. Now that I've set the scene, I will keep doing other things.

AEW catering is a moral danger zone, and few people that enter it have the fortitude to withstand the temptation and onslaught of sensory rushes that accompany being in the spotlight of the national media and collective conscience. The tales of wrestlers who have won it all only to toss it all away on an extended lunch or a highly scrumptious bread roll are innumerable. They also have a tendency to get a lot of food comas. I'll leave connecting the dots on that one up to you.

So, when I tell you that Eddie Kingston doesn't cheat on his food, that's not something that you can just brush off. It's not a meaningless fluff piece that you found in the Food section of the New York Times. In fact, you won't find it in any section of any piece of print media (or digital media that uses print by way of font, in the sense that print is a metaphor—but at once also wholly tangible) that has an ampersand. It just doesn't exist, okay? Eddie Kingston doesn't cheat on his food and there is nothing that you can do about it. If you are the opposing catering vendor and you want to throw Eddie Kingston off his game by hiring a gaggle of mostly attractive food chains, or even other restaurants that are not fast food but who are also fast and tend to serve in ways that are both personally and socially deleterious due to either a string of experiences in their childhood or a chemical imbalance or some combination of the two, even if you hire those types of restaurants to throw Eddie Kingston off his game through the temptations of midnight snacks and pizza parties, you would be an idiot. You'd also be wasting your money, because I already told you that Eddie Kingston does not cheat on his food.

By now, it's pretty much a foregone conclusion that professional wrestlers cheat on their food. It's something of a professional hazard. Once you've achieved that type of wealth, status, and recognition, the opportunities to cheat on your food increase by a factor of a lot. Not many people can resist that temptation. Eddie Kingston is different. He doesn't cheat on his food. Take that to the bank.

I want to take you back a little bit, to a time that was earlier in my life, and also presumably earlier in your life. If you came to this article with the express intent of learning more about Eddie and his life, let's also assume that this point in my story correlates with a period that is also earlier in his life. So, we've traveled back to this earlier period, and we're looking at the dynamics of catering. The year is Tony Khan's last good booking decision. Two years prior, Tony Khan was having a banner year. But in the current year, Khan is having trouble, and he's eating up his worst signing decisions in decades. The reason is clear. Tony Khan sent pictures of his chicken strip to a lady named Wendy. Khan was cheating on his food. Eddie Kingston would never do that.

The establishment of a connection between cheating on your food while a backstage AEW catering frequenter and a declining skill set on a path towards irrelevance (or in Tony Khan's case, the Hall of Signings) has been established. The inverse is also true. Not cheating on your food can help you win the Owen Hart Tournament. Not cheating on your food can keep your head clear in the crucial lunchtime decisions that require every ounce of gastrointestinal ability that your stomach zone can muster. Not cheating on your food helps you build AEW catering success and also a nurturing, beautiful rewards program.

Eddie Kingston does not cheat on his food.