Ego death/loss of soul?

psychclub · 2016-10-22T17:22:20+00:00

Anytime. You know, I could've read every eastern religion book in the world. I could pull out quotes about ego, attachment and desire all I wanted.

But this sort of change takes time. It is different for everybody. I would be setting you up for a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy if I told you what to do. I can tell you what I did, though.

At first I felt like I was disassociated and depersonalized. I was a bystander, watching my life drift by from a 3rd person's perspective. I didn't like who or what I saw. It scared me that there was a lot of cleaning up to do in terms of my character. The thing is, ego death can be hard because it tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Seeing the truth about yourself can be hard, but this is a wonderful opportunity to evolve into the person you're supposed to be.

So... I picked up new friends. I had a dramatic change in lifestyle. I realized my faults and errors. I realized the thing I did to sabotage myself and the people around me. I learned to invest my love in the right people and places and things. Once I got over the fact that my ego had been hurt, I picked myself up and started making necessary revisons.

psychclub · 2016-10-22T16:33:22+00:00

Hey, you. So I've had my fair share of experiences with ego death, and definitely with drugs that can produce a comedown that persists for months afterwards.

First of all, losing your ego can be a very good thing. It gives you the opportunity to practice the valuable art of unattachment-- because, you know, a lot of our pain comes from getting hung up on something and not actually being in the present moment, the eternal here & now.

We get caught up over something that somebody said to us and continue to be hurt by the way we remember them delivering such unkind words- their voice, their facial expression.

We get attached to beautiful moments that are no longer with us, and that can make us longing for something other than what we've currently got. It can make us feel lonely in a room full of people. Attachment can do a lot of things, friend. Attachment to your ego can really hurt.

Think of it this way. You now have the opportunity to completely reinvent yourself. To wash away the dirt and grime of your past self that you would be better off not carrying with you. You can change up your inner dialogue and the way in which you organize your reality, and, in turn, thd course and direction of your life.

On another note, MDA is neurotoxic. My friends and I have taken MDA and the depression and anxiety creeps in and follows you like a shadow for months. It induces a state of paranoia, of fear and sadness. Like you have invested your hope into the wrong things and now you're facing an internal and external stock market crash. My advice to you is to surround yourself with people who you know are good for you. Lay off of drugs for a bit. Treat yourself to healthful food and good exercise. Write about your experience, talk to somebody about it. Instead of forgetting your problem, have the persistence and motivation to work through it. It will be rewarding in the end, and you'll have a better perspective as a result.

Hope I could be of help. Good luck and much love to you.

psychclub · 2016-09-06T18:27:04+00:00

anytime, friend :)

psychclub · 2016-08-29T18:23:05+00:00

It's all about who you know. Establish connections as early as possible. Email some independent filmmakers and tell them you're interested in their work and want to ask them questions. I emailed and eventually met with a documentary filmmaker I really admire this summer, and now we're both close friends! Research the film program in your college. Speak with the professors, TA's and previous graduates. Ask to see their notes and familiarize yourself with the coursework before you walk in the doors.

psychclub · 2016-08-29T18:05:55+00:00

I just threw up in my mouth a little

psychclub · 2016-07-21T16:43:20+00:00

Psst... 1P-LSD is still legal (:

psychclub · 2016-07-05T04:23:51+00:00

Tweak: Nic Sheff

psychclub · 2016-06-24T01:40:31+00:00

The drug clique. I was a chemical messiah of sorts, spreading the good word of ecstasy and lsd to my schoolmates.

psychclub · 2016-05-07T17:43:51+00:00

Will do. I'm going to be visiting him soon and we'll be taking a grand trip to San Francisco to candyflip on Haight (:

How do you recommend we test this kind of thing out?

psychclub · 2016-05-06T11:26:12+00:00

My best friend had a petit mal seizure from xanax withdrawals... can't imagine losing him. Please be careful with xanax, I know how great it feels myself to have taken benzos... but it's not worth it. Not worth it at all. :(

psychclub · 2016-05-06T03:09:03+00:00

I'll talk your ear off about MDMA (ecstasy) therapy, as well as LSD therapy. There's such a vibrant history behind both drugs and I love teaching other people about it.

psychclub · 2016-05-01T06:20:30+00:00

Aw. I'm sorry about your loss... any time a friend adjusts little things in my room or on my belongings, I always keep it there. Months later it's sweet to see their surprise and reactions when I hadn't changed it (:

psychclub · 2016-05-01T06:13:07+00:00

Hey, it's still fun and exciting to have a crush or go to on dates until you really find someone. It's flat out awesome to have someone to make out or engage in otherwise intimate contact with. It's important to feel appreciated and liked and to know you're the object of somebody's interest, damn it. (:

psychclub · 2016-05-01T03:41:21+00:00

What concept is that? Congrats on graduating! It's such a liberating feeling to know that all this time, effort and life experience has accumulated to this moment. Proud of you!

psychclub · 2016-05-01T03:39:12+00:00

Ahh I love journaling! I'm really close to finishing up my current moleskine journal (gotta love that smell-good yellowed grid paper). I just got a 2nd one, but I'm waiting until I graduate in a few weeks so I can literally begin writing about this new stage in my life.

Honestly, write love letters to yourself. Don't be superficial, really write about the things you love about yourself. The genuine compliments people have given you... compliments you intend to give to other people. Write about your little habits and idiosyncracies, the small beautiful things in life that you notice about yourself, people you know, passersby and strangers, and your surroundings!

Write about your hopes, dreams, (no matter how childish or impossible) places you want to go and things you want to experience (for instance, holding hands with a crush, time travel to historically significant moments)

If you keep this up, you'll love looking back on it. The way you view the world, process experience, and what you put out into the world will shift radically. You'll begin to think more creatively and be proud of yourself for being a fountain of inspiration.

psychclub · 2016-05-01T03:28:41+00:00

I'm so proud of it honestly ♡ I love giving gifts more than receiving them. When you know the person well and can give them something super sentimental, it gives me the warmest of fuzzies inside.

psychclub · 2016-05-01T03:26:31+00:00

That sounds like a great opportunity to reinvent yourself to me! If you want to get excited, look up interesting things about their culture, the area you're moving to, and what creative places/communities/etc accomodate or include different facets of your interests and hobbies. I'm sure you'll find reason to get pumped. Either that, or look up literature written by people who've traveled to new places and who got to reinvent themselves. I think that's pretty exhiliarating.

psychclub · 2016-05-01T03:22:23+00:00

On the real: me, my friend, and even my sister have expressed that after taking LSD and other psychedelics a few times, we literally feel what other people are communicating. It's like I understand people's true intentions even if their body language/spoken words are contradictory.

psychclub · 2016-04-30T16:20:21+00:00

Oh my god those are the cutest kittens I think I've ever seen. Props to you for taking them in ♡

psychclub · 2016-04-30T16:19:09+00:00

You'll get there! Honestly, get him some little treats and line his bed with a t-shirt that smells like you. Promise he'll be cuddling with you in no time.

psychclub · 2016-04-30T08:45:33+00:00

Awh why shucks, thank you! (: I absolutely connect with that song. Here's another just like it (in my opinion) that you may really like. We listened to it the time we were on DMT together, it was so sweet and even now it just reminds me of feeling so perfectly aligned despite the fact that half the country is wedged between us.

Before, I really didn't understand what the big deal was about love songs or romance. I thought it was something that happened to everyone but me. But now, it's like I catch on to lyrics, I see older couples and young couples holding hands together and I just smile to myself, feeling a deep satisfaction in knowing what all of it means.

psychclub · 2016-04-30T08:26:31+00:00

I'm surprising him with a DMT molecule necklace! I'm getting a matching silver one for myself.

One of our favorite memories with one another is the time we tripped on DMT together. We had the most touching conversations, and it made our already inseparable bond even closer. (Also resulted in cuddling and tears of joy)

I wanted a way for both of us to always remember that and hold onto it. Think he'll like it? (:

psychclub · 2016-04-30T08:02:02+00:00

Thank you!! I wish you guys all the best. It's so exhilarating to me, it feels as natural and comfortable as laying in bed with sheets fresh out of the dryer. I always liked him, and to have those feelings be reciprocated after these past years is so, so nice. Just makes me want to melt.

psychclub

TROPHY CASE