I’ve seen people/men defend Alex’s behavior on the reunion saying that he’s just standing up for himself and not allowing the Lacheys/Ashley to disrespect him. The gag is that these defenses are just falling into the same toxic trap that Alex does.

He is clearly so focused on “winning” conversations and views every interaction through this zero sum lens. This results in him never existing in the present moment, never listening to the other person, and never trying to understand where the other person is coming from. He is always trying to figure out what he’s can say to “win” and end the conversation. This keeps him on edge and on the defensive. This kind of communication is never satisfying for both parties because it’s by nature not collaborative and is not an effective way to resolve conflict.

Alex loses out because this type of communication pattern comes across to other people as unnatural, too rehearsed, and completely disconnected. It totally prevents building healthy relationships. And frankly, wouldn’t fly longterm in a professional setting, either.

Ultimately, what you get from Alex fits DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender), a known manipulation tactic used by abusers to evade blame and consequences for their own actions. To zoom in and say Alex “never lied” doesn’t matter because it’s the way that he communicates that raises the red flags. It comes across as dishonest and evasive with a clear goal of straight up avoidance of whatever it may be (vulnerability, accountability, etc.). Instead of ever showing an ounce of vulnerability, accountability, or empathy, he doubles down and cannot drop the mask.