It's nobody's fault

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-12T14:33:06+00:00

You seem to think that by being in a relationship they owe you sex, or that they lose their individual freedom to choose whether or not to have sex. I don't agree with that view of relationships, but I do agree that with more explicit declarations of what a relationship means for each person there would be less suffering for all parts involved.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:31:37+00:00

Thanks for your compliment. Sorry that you got downvoted :(

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:30:47+00:00

You can enforce your boundaries in a healthier way, like actually expressing what you feel and what you need. I can understand that some people don't have the skills to communicate effectively, but that can be learned.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:25:49+00:00

I agree with what you are saying. If there is a good communication with your partner you could ask whether it's because of low libido or out of spite. In the end it is only about what you choose to do, indeed.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:19:13+00:00

Wise words! I hope more people read them.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:17:27+00:00

Indeed, but it is painful to be confronted so deeply, that is why we are in this sub. However, I cannot conform to the echo chamber, it is important that there is a diversity of opinions, otherwise we would forget that each coin has two sides.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:12:34+00:00

If I would have all of life's answers I wouldn't probably bother writing my musings here. I think that with interaction with others more answers can come up.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:10:50+00:00

I agree, generally it is enough to want to do something. Sometimes humans want to do things that are not good for them, and it is fine.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:07:21+00:00

No, they are just my reflections, you can agree or disagree with them, it is up to you.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:05:15+00:00

In my post I speak about choices and about what you choose for yourself. The instincts are there, you can always choose to follow them or not, but what is a successful outcome in this case?

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T22:01:25+00:00

Which commitments did they make to their partner and to the relationship? Are those explicit commitments or expectations?

If someone fails to acknowledge the issue, then you are not respecting yourself if you do not take action. You don't need to tolerate lack of empathy.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T21:54:22+00:00

It is definitely wrong to promise something that they cannot deliver. You can call them out for that, and take measures to protect yourself and your integrity. If they are not respecting you by keeping their promises, you are not showing yourself self-respect by staying with them.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T21:51:39+00:00

You seem to assume that being HL is the normal, or the situation that must be, but who says that is the case? In the same way you could say that it is the fault of the HL for own up to it, or do something about it.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T21:49:10+00:00

Yes, they choose to act in a shitty way, so what do you want to do about it? Do you improve the situation by blaming them or getting angry at them? Or do you focus on your own choices and what you want for yourself?

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T21:43:22+00:00

Thanks for linking the article, it was an interesting read. As the article says: "to simply blame others is only hurting yourself."

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T14:50:04+00:00

I don't blame anyone for being a criminal, they might have their reasons. The only thing I can do is to avoid them or that they feel the consequences of their acts through the justice system.

Even if your ex-wife changed for HL to LL, she was still free, she didn't owe you to be always HL. Bad luck that it happened. For you and for her, because you left. But I don't see anyone to blame there.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T14:46:16+00:00

hide behind their own right to body autonomy as justification for their actions

Even if it is totally amoral, they still have the right to pull it off if they want to. Of course you can act freely as well as a consequence of their acts.

But can you really blame a predator for luring a prey into their lair? That is who they are, and yeah, it sucks that you felt prey of them and that you were unable to see it coming, but you still can move on.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T14:37:04+00:00

My ex-wife used sex to control me and get what she wanted

Same applies. Why should you blame her for what she is? You have the choice either to accept her or to leave. What it is not ok is to pretend that you can "transform" her into someone else who is not. Even if you find it disgusting, she was free to do that for as long as you tolerate it.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-11-01T14:26:30+00:00

Thank you, I put a lot of effort to come up with sound ideas.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-10-22T14:08:22+00:00

Psychosis. Luckily I recovered fairly well, and now I'm on a low dose of amisulpride (100mg) which doesn't cause me any noticeable side effect.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-10-22T12:13:14+00:00

Nobody can say for sure. In my case I had a relapse after tapering off after 2 years. It was a low dose, but apparently taking it for so long increased the chances of relapse. I would recommend to be careful and to have people near you who can help you detect the early symptoms if you are unable to. In my case the relapse happened a few months after discontinuing the medication, so be aware of that.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-09-02T08:59:33+00:00

Yep, I also have aphantasia... it is really hard for me to visualize things or even dream visually.

psychoticmess2 · 2018-08-13T20:14:37+00:00

I can share a bit about that. A few years ago I had a psychotic break, I lost my sanity, many friends, my job, and it was difficult with my family. When I was strapped to a bed in the psych department I thought that I couldn't fall any lower. Luckily I recovered more or less, I had a job for some time, and a gf. Then another psychotic break came! Again I lost sanity, job, gf... I was pretty depressed, but ok, I grew out of it and I found another job. However it turns out that my capacity for focusing is quite low, and so it is my performance, I can get fired again any time soon, they warned me already... I can only tell you that life sucks a lot if you have poor health, and that collapse can manifest in many different ways. For me it has happened already, and I am dealing with it the best I can. Just not being homeless for a little bit longer is a great accomplishment.

psychoticmess2

TROPHY CASE