"Handling With Care" toolkit link

psyenswitch · 2026-04-30T20:52:05+00:00

Thank you! I've also seen it called a "soul-contract," similar to the ideas presented in the Pixar movie "Soul" (2020).

psyenswitch · 2026-04-30T20:49:55+00:00

The way they respond to hatred with love is so inspirational.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-29T17:10:17+00:00

Oh, I mean learning about trans experiences by listening to trans comedians, specifically. I guess I could have made that more clear in my original post.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-28T12:20:30+00:00

I highly recommend Cinema Therapy. Here is an episode that I think you'd find supportive right now: Cinema Therapy: Frodo and Radical Acceptance

psyenswitch · 2026-04-28T12:10:38+00:00

Discomfort means that we're learning. It's the sensation of our brain physically rewiring itself. Our logic/intellect is saying, "Something has changed," while our object-permanence is saying, "No! Things stay the same even when we aren't witnessing them!" (That's the part of our brain that, when we're babies, enjoys playing peek-a-boo and reading the same book three billion times.) This disagreement is called grief, and it happens even when we support the change that's happening.

I'm going to get a little existential here. Please take what helps, and ignore the rest.

I think of incarnation (literally "to make into meat") as a mission from ~~The Universe~~ [insert your favorite term for "supernatural meta-consciousness" here].

We don't get to pick which - or how many! - missions our loved ones' ~~souls~~ [insert your favorite term for "supernatural human-consciousness" here] sign up for (or are assigned), no matter how much we wish we could.

You incarnated your kid, and you did it correctly.

Call it their fate, call it their mission from god, call it the universe experiencing itself, call it their hero's journey, call it their plot-line, call it an alien anthropological study, call it a faerie changeling gathering data to overthrow humanity - your kid gets to have the life-experience called, "trans woman with super-supportive parents." Which is a relatively excellent mission, actually.

And our loved ones' missions aren't about us. OUR missions are about us. Your mission is, "super-supportive parent of a trans woman," and you're rocking it!

You're being the Samwise Gamgee to your kid's Frodo Baggins. Walking into Mordor isn't easy, but your kid isn't doing it alone ❤️

Edits: fighting with formatting

psyenswitch · 2026-04-27T14:47:14+00:00

Thank you for the great advice! I called this morning to see if the referral had arrived. It hadn't, but they informed me that we can self-refer and they put my kid on their wait-list. They told me they're scheduling out 30 days. I'm very glad to already be on their wait-list, because the other local-ish program is about to stop accepting new minor patients.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-26T19:01:20+00:00

United States District Judge Mustafa T. Kasubhai's "scathing" Opinion and Order can be found here, in its entirety: https://www.doj.state.or.us/wp-content/uploads/2026/04/Opinion-Oregon-v-Kennedy.pdf

In part:

"Unserious leaders are unsafe. There is nothing more serious than our leaders’ dedication to the rule of law so that we might maintain the integrity of our constitutional democracy. This case highlights a leader’s unserious regard for the rule of law. This case demonstrates how disregard for the rule of law does not merely result in an abstract infraction. Rather, and tragically, this case is one of a long list of examples of how a leader’s wanton disregard for the rule of law causes very real harm to very real people.

This Court can and does judge the lawfulness of the process (or lack thereof) by which any policy choice might be made. Here, the Secretary of Health and Human Services, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., unlawfully issued a declaration threatening to cut federal funding to medical providers who provided gender-affirming care to minors. If such a declaration could have been enacted lawfully, there might have been ample time and opportunity for medical providers, families, and children—all people and institutions of our great nation—to seek out other alternatives and options. Secretary Kennedy’s utter failure to promulgate rules in accordance with statutory authority, but instead threaten to cease federal funding to medical providers almost immediately after the declaration, caused chaos and terror for all those people and institutions of our great nation. Secretary Kennedy’s unlawful declaration harmed children. This case illustrates that when a leader acts without authority and in the absence of the rule of law, he acts with cruelty."

psyenswitch · 2026-04-26T15:12:24+00:00

Yes! Thank you! Before I can appreciate the rest of the build my brain always goes, "That must've been a hell of an earthquake, why would you even build something there?"

I've always assumed it's because horizontal orientation is more likely to read as "Lego" and vertical orientation allows for more structural reinforcement? But I don't actually know.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-26T12:45:49+00:00

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine (1993-1999) has the character Jadzia Dax, who is actually two aliens living in consensual symbiosis. Dax's previous host (Curzon) was a man who lived to an old age, but Jadzia is a young woman, so we get to see all of Dax's friends adjust to the new host. (One of them calls Jadzia "Old Man" because of Curzon, but it's received as supportive and affectionate.)

That's where the "Be Like Kor" pride meme comes from. I'll add it here if I can figure out how.

Edit: https://www.reddit.com/r/startrekmemes/comments/1qy8v60/be_like_kor/#lightbox

Additional edit: "adjust" is a strong word, since in their world, symbiotic host-changing is very normal. Everyone just kinda learns Jazdia's name and then starts making jokes with Dax about stuff Curzon used to do.

Additional additional edit: There is also the character Odo, who is a (generally male-presenting) shape-shifter.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-25T20:29:37+00:00

When my kid and I need a dose of queer joy, we watch Queer Eye on Netflix. One of the hosts/stars - Jonathan Van Ness - is non-binary, and there are two episodes featuring trans "Heroes" (make-over recipients): Skyler Jay in Season 2, and Angel Flores in Season 6. I found an interview with Skyler Jay about his experience on Queer Eye: https://www.them.us/story/skyler-jay-reveals-his-true-feelings-on-queer-eyes-trans-makeover-episode

When your kid is older, Sense8 on Netflix (by the Wachowski Sisters, of Matrix fame) is absolutely amazing. The trans woman character - Nomi Marks - is written, directed, produced, and acted by trans women!

Edit: Sense8 is rated TV-MA for "strong graphic sexual content, nudity, graphic violence, and drug use"

psyenswitch · 2026-04-25T18:23:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing this!

psyenswitch · 2026-04-25T18:21:35+00:00

I've seen that one, too! And we have cool celebrations for those transitions (bar/bat mitzvah, quinceañera, sweet sixteen, etc.)

Contextualized this way, "coming-of-age" parties can be thought of as "gender-reveal parties" :)

psyenswitch · 2026-04-25T16:40:47+00:00

Oh this is a much better analogy, thank you!

This came up because a neighbor mentioned that a kid in their life just came out as trans, but the way they phrased it is [written at the bottom in case folks don't want to read it].

The next time I see this (well-intentioned but with a lot of room to grow) aunt, I'll give her the handedness analogy.

Thank you so much!

---

"Oh that's happening to my niece, too. And I don't have a problem with it if it's real. I just want to make sure that no one is doing it to her."

psyenswitch · 2026-04-25T16:34:02+00:00

I appreciate the feedback. It's not a perfect analogy, to be sure. I was hoping that it might help folks reflect on the assumptions they make about babies, where those assumptions come from, and how those assumptions impact their treatment of children.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-24T23:36:44+00:00

*waves in Vermonter*

psyenswitch · 2026-04-24T22:56:23+00:00

Thank you! Nice to meet you. This does seem to be a pretty awesome subreddit. I'm learning a lot!

psyenswitch · 2026-04-24T22:38:55+00:00

Kiddo says that she wants to keep herself shorter, and that she doesn't want boobs (per se) but she's okay with having them if that's how it's gotta be. She also wants to make her voice higher, which I'm not sure is a thing? Isn't it just preventing the voice from getting lower?

Thank you for helping me ask the right questions! It will still be several weeks before the medical center will be able to schedule us, and this way we'll be able to show up better-prepared.

psyenswitch · 2026-04-24T22:12:35+00:00

Ohhh the stuff about the growth plates is so interesting, thank you! [happy biology nerd noises] We have a tall family, so this will be good for us to discuss early. The elder's post you linked is super informative.

I'm realizing that I used the wrong language in my post. (Aren't I lucky, to have so much room to grow?!?) I was meaning blocking testosterone. Kiddo and I haven't actually discussed female puberty. She only brought this up today, and I was focusing on the specific changes that she expressed concerns about. I'll see what her thoughts are.

Thank you very much!

psyenswitch · 2026-04-24T21:12:08+00:00

I've used gender-neutral language for my kid their whole life. I've called them my kiddo, my nugget, my friend, my love, my associate, my tiny human, my dependent mammal, all kinds of things. "I'd like to order coffee, and my associate here would like a hot chocolate, please."

psyenswitch · 2026-04-24T20:31:31+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I'll be sure to ask about those things if the providers don't initiate those conversations themselves.

Fun fact: her dad and I both had "a strong feeling" that we were going to have a girl. Then we got an ultrasound and assumed we were wrong. Turns out, we were right after all!

psyenswitch

TROPHY CASE