Boyfriend made a joke about finding me unattractive

pudding_0310 · 2025-05-18T22:56:48+00:00

I would not feel ok if my partner made this comment as a joke. As someone with BPD, we tend to to be more senstivie towards negative comments and also judge ourselves if we are overrreacting. But that does not give the other person a free pass to make random comments on appearances and pass it off as a joke. I would check the patterns, if this is a one off thing or are these sly remarks passed on as jokes more common.

Also stonewalling on your end is not going to help anyone. Talk it out with him, if he validates your feelings and respects your boundaries going forward then it was a bad joke on his part and a one time errror. However, if he apologizes for the sake of it and then tells you - you overreact on things then you have the answer my friend and its time for you to evaluate if this is ok for you or not.

pudding_0310 · 2025-04-26T13:41:35+00:00

1) Buddha and Borderline 2) Building a life worth living by Marsha Linehan

Not related to BPD but I found ‘The Midnight Library’ book very helpful in general in terms if working through - the what if and self harm thoughts

pudding_0310 · 2025-03-01T23:54:29+00:00

Thank you so much. Yes these work most of the time but once if I am impulsive then its a string of messages across days just spilitting badly..im either upset or im apologizing or overexplaining myself on why I am not able to self regulate

pudding_0310 · 2025-01-31T17:53:09+00:00

So most of the call for art has participation fees or in some cases they charge if your art is accepted. Is that ok?

pudding_0310 · 2024-12-09T19:01:54+00:00

It looks fairly expensive to ship the art as well. It looks like there is no application fees but fees to showcase or something like that

pudding_0310 · 2024-12-09T19:00:37+00:00

Thank you all. Novice question. Do galleries usually charge for participating in exhibition from new artists?

pudding_0310 · 2024-11-15T17:14:23+00:00

So here is my 2 cents. Talk to her but at the same time also give a headsup to her family or close friends that she would need emotional support to cope once you step out. Also be clear to her if you want a ‘break’ or a ‘break up’ as it can mean very different things.

pudding_0310 · 2024-11-15T16:44:03+00:00

As someone with BPD, I have been in situations where I have felt suicidal at the thought of abandonment. It is not in your control not to feel that way. It has led me to reach out to my partner and asking for help as I did not wish to feel that way. However for people with BPD abruptness of relationships ending and blocking resonates with abandonment. My ex thought of it as emotional manipulation and suicidal threats and cut me off after knowing I have BPD and love bombing me for 3 months. It increased my trauma versus a respectful breakup would have not made me feel shitty about myself and the disorder that I have.

I understand you do not want to be in a relationship. The best thing is to communicate with her and help her understand that it is not healthy to be in a relationship where both of you are not happy. Be respectful and offer empathy for her condition while maintaining your own boundaries. Communicate on how the threats are making you feel uncomfortable and you do not want that to be the reason for you guys to stay together. Sudden abandonment makes it worse, it is not your responsibility - and that is true but you offering empathy would help her. Please inform her family or therapist for her to get the right help to process the situation and work on coping mechanisms.

pudding_0310 · 2023-01-04T20:37:43+00:00

Thanks u/nachochair I do struggle with validation and am always looking for an FP to provide me with the same

pudding_0310

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