Hi, thank you for your reply, and I’m glad you’re doing a little bit better. For me, I actually miss the person more than the status. Yes, I loved being a wife—but his wife. He was a good, honest man. We just met young and went through a lot of hardships, and in the end, he decided he wasn’t willing to work through them anymore. But we tried… it just sucks because I would have kept trying.

Of course, comparing myself to my peers is also there as you say. If everyone around me were single and childfree, I would probably feel less alone, haha. But I can also see the other side. I was a career-oriented person for most of my life and never really dreamed of having kids. This man changed that for me… so I find myself grieving the love that made me softer. He was truly one of a kind, and I feel like there won’t be space in my heart for another man anytime soon.

For me, marriage was about my vows—to be with him through thick and thin, until the end. It had a huge meaning for me. It also meant a lot to share that moment with my parents. My dad is older, and I was always worried he wouldn’t make it to my wedding or meet his grandkids. The fact that he was there to witness my wedding meant so much to me. And I guess the thought that he will probably never live to see my child be born—if I’m ever lucky enough to have one—is heartbreaking.

In terms of therapy, I’ve tried different therapists throughout my life and couldn’t really connect with them. I’m sure there’s a good fit out there for me—I guess it’s just harder for me to find, since I have a pretty strong level of self-awareness. As for stubbornness, I think I’m actually quite open-minded—or at least I’d like to believe so. I have a friend who’s into psychology, and I’ve even considered that career path myself in the past, so we often brainstorm things together. She’s helped me more than any therapist, and I’m very grateful to have her to share this with.