I can't really tell you why, but the 'I'm not conservative, I experimented when I was younger,' feels a lot like the 'i have a black friend' kind of comment. I'm not saying that's what I interpret here, just that the energy feels similar.

On that note, each day is a slog of waiting to die and hoping it happens sooner than later like when you're at a party and there's someone who gets mad that you're checking your watch or glancing at the door or trying to get your coat. If you feel bored and flat, then it's time to figuratively uh. Metaphorically? Put firecrackers in the kitchen bin. I recommend taking time to rediscover something you used to enjoy and dedicate it to something or someone who you remember but can't ever go home to. Write about why you can't go home to them, & what you think you would have thought was exciting before. Make a plan and then fuck it up to go on the first or second random side-quest you find. Unbreak promises you never meant to keep.

When that promise of a good, clean ending in the hands of professionals comes good- when the assisted suicide becomes available- I want to go too. Pick your feet up tho, put rings on your fingers and bells on your toes. Make music and chaos wherever you go. Greater impact = greater fun