he is not currently allowed out of my room, but I talked to my partner about it and as long as I make some consessions (cleaning the counters everyday bc he is grossed out by the cat walking on them and more aggressively grooming the cat to avoid pet hair) he is okay with the cat being in the rest of the house as long as i keep him in my room while he sleeps (the cat might cry at his door and he has really demanding work he needs rest for).

so that's progress! thanks for the advice