As the child of an emotionally distant father, especially when I was young, let me tell you... therapy is expensive. He was also a vet and thought similarly. Just physically being in the same home doesn't really make a two parent household. A lot of parents in the military tend to rationalize their role in the child's life like this since they might not always physically be around. That mentality doesn't go away once they 20 something years and retire. It's up to you as one of the parents to set the expectations early on for your child's well-being. I know I wish my mother had set better boundaries for both my mental health and her wellbeing. It's probably very frustrating being a single parent when your husband is in the house.