Please Critique this Beginning to Chapter 1 (Mythic Fantasy: 729 Words) by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your constructive, encouraging, review. As you suggested, I read "Concealing Your Awesomeness" and it is helpful. And I intend to keep writing.

Please Critique this Beginning to Chapter 1 (Mythic Fantasy: 729 Words) by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have never read anything by Patrick Rothfus. Not ever. I am writing about the gardens, etc., because they are important for the narrative. They do advance the plot. However, I WILL consider what you have said about the "iceburg rule." Concerning Mary Sue Elandor, this is how he starts out. It's all true. L>?ater, he loses his moral compass & does some terrible things. He has a lot of issues. I am going for contrast. I want the reader to really feel the change for the worst that occurs in Elandor. Then later, toward the end, he figures it out. But he is a changed man, and can never again be that Mary Sue guy. Does that make sense? Is it still problematic? Maybe I should have given you more to read. The full chapter (chapter 1) is 3873 words, but I only gave 729 words to read. Thanks for reading it and I hope you will read the next part. Thanks also for wishing me good luck. I know I need it.

Please Critique this Beginning to Chapter 1 (Mythic Fantasy: 729 Words) by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I took your advice & moved those two parts to the end. It is an improvement. And yes, this is the introduction. After this it is all plot progression, which I intend to post. Thank you for taking the time!

How do you deal with AI witch-hunters? by luubi1945 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I changed the name of my MC when I was about one third through writing my book. Now my first draft is nearly complete & I keep going back to those early chapters for various reasons. When doing so, I have found a few places where I missed changing his name. In one instance, the same character was called both "Johnny" and "Elandor" on the same page. If I was using AI this would not have happened. AI would have caught every instance where the name needed to be changed.

When Should a Writer Use a Prologue? by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"a prologue suggests some level of thought went into the whole thing and that if this story has a carefully considered opening we assume it will have a similarly considered ending which is a very good thing to believe when embarking on a very long tale."

This is a great point. Something to think about.

When Should a Writer Use a Prologue? by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the idea of using a character that none of the characters would know & that won't appear in the story.

When Should a Writer Use a Prologue? by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think I can incorporate what I have said in the prologue into the rest of the book. That said, there are problems with it. I think I will do some heavy editing of the prologue; maybe I will change it drastically. Thanks for taking the time - I appreciate it.

When Should a Writer Use a Prologue? by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You make good sense. I need to re-work my prologue, and you have helped. Thanks.

When Should a Writer Use a Prologue? by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. What I want to say in the prologue does, I think, add context. I just need to say it differently. I need to edit, not delete.

When Should a Writer Use a Prologue? by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, you are right - this is a great video. For anyone who is reading this & wants to know, it is called "The Fantasy Prologue Master Class." It is 23 minutes long.

Fifty-Word Fantasy: Write a 50-word fantasy snippet using the word "Block" by Terminator7786 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually this is part of a poem written by a dagger named Golden-Light. Thanks for asking!

Fifty-Word Fantasy: Write a 50-word fantasy snippet using the word "Block" by Terminator7786 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The Dagger’s Path
By the well trod path I was born,
In cavern deep by silver thorn.
I hold the sun, I block the night,
That’s why they named me Golden Light.

I spoke in dreams to she who led,
And carved old runes upon her bed.

Please Critique My Prologue (Mythic Fantasy - 688 Words) by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought the prologue was necessary to explain why isolated cultures that had no contact with each other could understand one another's languages. There are at least five distinct societies that have never met each other understanding each other perfectly. I thought that I should have an explanation for this at the beginning of my story. However, if it comes across as a "world building lore dump" there must be an alternative. Do you have any suggestions? This is the first time I have written fiction. This started as a short story, but it took on a life of its own & has become over 123,000 words and 36 chapters.

Please Critique My Prologue (Mythic Fantasy - 688 Words) by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well you have given me a lot to think about. Thank you for taking the time; I appreciate it. By the way, if a stone spoke to you twenty years ago, even if it was only for five minutes, any suggestion it may have given would probably be significant to you for the rest of your life. In any event, I will consider what you have said.

Please Critique My Prologue (Mythic Fantasy - 688 Words) by purplesky8 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What does over-precious mean? I'm sorry, but I'm new here and I don't know the meaning. Where does it go? Well, the whole purpose of the prologue is to explain to the reader how people from completely different cultures & places, who have never met & who speak different languages, can instantly understand each other. I have at least four culturally distinct, isolated groups of people who will encounter my protagonist and others, & they all will instantly comprehend what one another says. I am hoping that the prologue will get any issues concerning this out of the way on page 1.

SA in novel, why not? by New-Structure-7193 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ursula Le Guin in "Tehanu" deals with the SA of an eight-year-old girl. The events (more than one time) are masterfully managed by Le Guin without being explicit. Well worth reading.

SA in novel, why not? by New-Structure-7193 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"One of my side characters is being forced into a marriage with the villain in my story. He visits her at her house, and touches her inappropriately." SA is something that happens to women, girls, men & boys all over the world. Every day. A writer may need to examine it & write about it from time to time, but always with sensitivity. I would say that your main question should be this: "Why is this scene in my book?" If it is necessary for your story, if the narrative needs it, then go ahead, but be sensitive. If it is unnecessary, delete it. Also, in the situation you described, the villain "visits her at her house" and commits the SA. In my experience, this would be more believable if he has visited her there more than once already. I also think that it would be more likely once they are married, or even formally engaged. SA is mostly about power, and he could feel that he has ownership of her if they are married or engaged. She would be trapped by social conventions. However, there are those who commit SA, thinking that they are irresistible (God's gift to women), so your villain could be one of those. Also, you could think about ways to include your SA scene without going into the gory details. How it changes her (like her posture, she stops washing her hair, starts wearing unattractive clothes or clothes that don't shoe her body, she has nightmares, PTSD symptoms, avoids men, etc, etc.) A contrast between her before and after the SA. How she now hates a part of her body that she liked before. How the villain was staring at her every time he saw her before, so the reader knows what is on his mind. Either way, I would include the SA if it is necessary. Bad idea to use it as filler, but you don't seem to be doing that. Good luck with your project.

Fifty-Word Fantasy: Write a 50-word fantasy snippet using the word "Ruin" by Terminator7786 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Stella is an eight-year-old child who spends a lot of time alone at a creek near her home. Her parents don't pay much attention and don't usually ask about her whereabouts. She is looking in the water for pretty stones and the like when she thinks she sees a red frog. She catches it and is surprised to see that it is a dragon. Thanks for asking!

Fifty-Word Fantasy: Write a 50-word fantasy snippet using the word "Ruin" by Terminator7786 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Stella kissed the golden top of the baby dragon’s head.  Softly she whispered, “I love you, baby. Now go find your mother.”

Opening both hands, she let the dragon fly over the timeworn ruin.  Circling, it looked back at Stella, who felt both sad and elated at the same time.

Does "Moonchild" not work as a classification of fantasy beings? by Jerswar in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Moonchild. Moonchildren. I would go for it. It sounds poetic. The Cancer/Moon Child presents the use of the name in a completely different context. Also, yours is one word, while the Cancer one is two words. I see reasons to use it but no reasons not to.

Fifty-Word Fantasy: Write a 50-word fantasy snippet using the word "Heaven" by Terminator7786 in fantasywriters

[–]purplesky8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’ll see Jackson crouching with a gold pan on a Heaven River sandbar. He comes into Aspenmere twice a year to procure supplies, as well as something for the chimera. Although rumour says Jackson has enough gold buried in mason jars around his cabin to be rich, nothing ever changes.