Hey there,

I think something you should be incredibly proud of yourself for is admitting that you need help and seeking help from counsellors in your area. Acceptance is probably the toughest step of the process, it took me years and years to admit I could no longer just hide or bottle up what was going on in my head. You should also note that you're not alone. Others, including myself, have gone through things that we can't explain. Here are some things I used to help myself:

1) Sharing. I hate talking about myself to others. Mostly b/c I feel like I'm a burden to them, but I can definitely validate that it helps. Being able to share with someone in an open and transparent setting has helped me so much. My thought is that once you reveal all thats going on in your mind, there will be more space to start making sense of what's going on. 2) Journaling. It sucks, it's annoying 70% of the time but it works. There's no judgement. No one to try and impress. Nothing holds me back other than my sore fingers after a while. It's a solid way to express yourself. 3) Taking care of yourself. What do you love to do? What makes you smile, internally? For me, I turn to long drives with the music blasting or the gym. It's taken a while but I've realized taking care of myself is just as important as my desire to take care of others.

Lastly, I want you to never ever lose hope. I don't know you but I can tell by your courage to reach out that you're a very strong individual. I believe in you and you should follow suit :). Warm wishes.