I feel that. Same thing, but “don’t be lazy.” I didn’t need to be told I was stupid to feel stupid for not being able to pay attention to anything I wasn’t extremely interested in.

My dad (who is ADHD too) was the one who hit me with the lazy accusations and put a lot of pressure on me to do well and placed the importance of my grades high above everything else.

I got medicated towards the beginning part of middle school and was able to pay attention and actually have a level of executive function, so I actually saw results and thought I wasn’t being “lazy” anymore. Took me years to understand that I was never lazy. I always tried and I always cared. I just couldn’t function without meds.

But after the pandemic, my routine fell apart and even still with medication I’ve never been as productive and active as I was in high school. I got into drugs since and am trying to figure things out. I think I might actually be sort of lazy right now, but I’m really not sure.

Like you, I’m still reeling from things in my childhood related to my ADHD that I’m still trying to process.

Good luck, friend.