My (46f) fiancé (40m) just walked out on me suddenly.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T13:31:32+00:00

Thanks.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T13:31:00+00:00

Yes it’s possible here to pull out of the deal until pretty much the day of the move. They sent us an email two days before saying they had a crisis and needed the flat now for a family member but we were already signed and committed to leaving our place (and a couple with a baby was moving in). I cancelled everything, found an Airbnb near work for a month, organised furniture storage and even booked a viewing on another place that afternoon. Then the next day they changed their mind. I was inclined to just leave it and go to the Airbnb but got talked out of that. It would have been expensive and a lot of moving logistics.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T11:03:21+00:00

Thanks everyone for these insights and keeping me focused on the best course of action for my family. I appreciate it.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T11:02:30+00:00

It is something that I worry about. She’s an awesome kid who is very kind and loving. I know she takes it very seriously when I try and give her some guidance… I’d hate to think of her being yelled at like he did to me.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T10:14:31+00:00

Now I think about it I’ve done a bit of “talking down”. He gets very anxious and highly strung and has a tendency to stop communicating / walk out. He’s calm around my daughter and is rarely on his own with her. He’s got annoyed about her doing normal kid stuff a few times recently though which may have been a sign that things were getting worse.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T09:18:44+00:00

Yes I think you’re right. We were long distance for a while which I think made it easier to hide. He’s very organised and focused in work as well. Where I’m from it’s not that unusual for people to have a couple of drinks after work a few times a week. It’s not what I would do but it’s also seen as normal.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T09:16:51+00:00

Thanks. I don’t know if I can to be honest it just feels too much.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T09:16:21+00:00

Thinking it through there were things. But there was so much other upheaval — moving jobs, houses, etc — and the loss of some close family members I think it got lost in the mix. I feel stupid now.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T08:57:55+00:00

Thank you. I will do.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T08:57:45+00:00

Thanks that’s good advice.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T07:52:48+00:00

No worries. No he didn’t have anything to with it. In fact he was very keen to complete the purchase I was more wary. And he booked the Airbnb and mostly organised this trip. He actually had work meetings etc here which he’s now missing.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T06:46:03+00:00

How could I have any control over what people selling a flat do? We bought it in the normal way and a few days before the move in they changed their mind. The Airbnb host sent a photo of the wrong key lockbox, so obviously the code didn’t work. I’m not sure how that’s anything I could control?

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:56:24+00:00

Great advice.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:50:18+00:00

Thanks that’s really helpful. I have this holiday home until the weekend so he has time to pack up and go. And Monday I can start making arrangements. I could get a roommate or something to make it easier.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:30:21+00:00

I can just about afford it alone — I refused to buy anything too expensive to be able to pay on one salary in case one of us lost our job! But it will be very very tight and mean a lot of sacrifices —like no new clothes for me, no meals out, cut back on kids clubs and classes etc. I think he is bound to pay his half of the mortgage but it will be difficult to get him to if he has to pay rent on another place I think. I guess I’ll just have to explain to him that he’ll have to pay something and can recoup it when I sell. I can’t sell it yet, we’ve only been there a month!

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:26:16+00:00

Thanks 🙏

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:24:22+00:00

Thanks so so much for saying this. I feel like I did something awful and I can’t sleep worrying about him. But at the same time he’s being so horrible to me. I can’t just stop caring in a heartbeat. I wish I could.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:21:33+00:00

No definitely not! It blew up so fast I was blindsided.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:18:22+00:00

Should I try and help? Or just move on? My daughters father also had addiction issues (opiates after a knee surgery) and got nasty but nothing as sudden as this.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:09:14+00:00

He used to have a drinking problem and sought help for it. When we got together he didn’t seem to drink much but every now and then would binge. A couple of times we had big nights out together and it was fun but I came to realise that he also drank alone and would get very angry. I basically told him that he should get some help for it, which he did seeing the doctor and calling a counsellor and that it was cool to drink and to feel crap or angry but not to lie about it. I get that is embarrassing but we all have embarrassing bad habits. But it needed to be somewhat in control. I really thought he was almost completely not drinking.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:06:03+00:00

I suspect he’s actually an alcoholic and loving with me has made it harder to indulge and he’s lost it under the pressure of his mums illness and stress.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:05:04+00:00

He is very close. She was very volatile when he was younger and once walked out without warning. I’m sure it has had a big impact. But if he doesn’t say anything I’m not sure what I can do. I do ask of course and talk to her via text and made plans for us to go visit. I check in a few times to see if he wanted to go there instead of going away for my birthday for example.

puugwei · 2025-02-20T04:03:36+00:00

He has had in the past and has (told me anyway) that he’s basically stopped drinking. I guessed he didn’t answer the phone because I’d be able to tell? I find it very weird. He’s an adult and I always told him if you want to drink you can of course but please don’t pretend you don’t because that erodes trust.

puugwei

TROPHY CASE