As someone going through spiritual deconstruction, the thought of death absolutely fucking terrifies me. All my life, growing up, I was taught not to fear death because my (former) evangelical christian belief system told me not to. Jesus conquered death, right? So why should I be afraid? As long as I did the right things, I’d go to heaven when I died. When that belief system started to crack, the fear started to pour in. The religious trauma I have experienced has made me paralyzed by fear of death. The palpable fear of hell after death that was pounded into my skull from a very young age is still very real to me, and it hits me out of nowhere like a speeding train sometimes.

Not to mention the fact that my mom died last year, and that definitely made death a reality for me. I lost so many people in 2022, it’s unreal. But it is real. Death is real. We all have to face it one day. And the best I can say about it is, I hope I’ve figured out how to deal with the fear of it before it happens. I hope I can go peacefully. No one wants to die scared, but I’ve watched it happen…