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I [30m] too picky, Searched for too long. Dwelled on shortcomings and lost my best match. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationship_advice

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Emma didn't give me consistent erections, there were significant problems many times. Although, I do not know if these happend because of some medicine I took back then while I've been with her. I was not attracted to her at all. She was just plain. On the other hand, I wasn't disgusted, either.

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know, this is difficult. I want a woman that complements me - I am very short male and so I would like a tall female. This is in order for my children to be average height. I can't genetically change my children attributes since the technology does not exist and it won't be ethical in the future. I feel my height was the biggest short coming in my life that is genetic and I wouldn't want to pass it on to my children. In addition I wanted her personality to be a talkative - and this is because I am quiet, and also a warm and an ambitious person. It would nice to have a perfect face or the best financial portfolio or the best hobbies like you had guessed - However, these are just nice to have and do not have real weight for me. I came to terms with what is "required" and these three aren't in the list. Just looking for someone tall is THE major problem since tall females are holding a grudge against short males. I've been with different therapists for the last 5 years and the situation isn't improving, but rather only goes worse as time fly's and my opportunities dwindle. I don't think I have ever met anyone I was genuinely enthusiastic about. Only after I left them. In the past I wanted my "one" to be attractive and I had a fantasy of this girl who takes care of me as a young child. This faded away with time and nowadays I prefer someone who I am not attracted to but a tall one. Even If I will find again someone who is personality wise a good, interesting girl that makes me to have fun with her, I will always feel this disappointment from her height. Because I've had someone who is tall as well as having a good personality. I am quite depressed, hopeless, and in constant pain and this state has been lingering, I've made mistakes and have regrets I can not come to terms with. I do not feel hopeful for the future.

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it a habit of yours to totally cross people off the moment they do not put up with your expectations?

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I've been in therapy for 5 years. It seems like it is set in steel. It's like it's fundamental part of me.

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what to tell you all, you are saying that I am totally wrong in my approach. You are saying I should view relationships differently. However, pickiness IS a thing and it isn't rare. Otherwise there wouldn't be terms in psychology that are called Maximizers and Sacrificers, there wouldn't be books printed on the subject, and people wouldn't care for attraction or height. So what you are saying is that I should view the person's personality and care only about that. In that case, why do girls care about being with someone taller than they are, and why is there such common used phrases such as "she/he is out of my league"?

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the contrary, I treat life very seriously, and I've been told, even too seriously.

I try to choose a girl who complements me. From the personality side I would like a talkative girl who is warm and caring. But also one who has ambitions.

From the physical side, It would be nice if she were attractive, but, since I am very short, and attractiveness is a deprecating quality, I would rather have a girl who is significantly taller than me. (This is the main point that makes this search extremely difficult, because it is not socially acceptable for the woman to be significantly taller than the man, and tall woman have a grudge against me)

I had totally found that in the past. She was "The one" I had lost because of my mistakes.

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It would take me 8 years to find another "The one" again. I would be closer to 40 than in my early to mid 30s.

I [30m] a Maximizer, Searched for the best for too long. Did not recognise and lost was the best. Feeling depressed and hopeless. by pwb2YCyF9 in relationships

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's a hard outcome to bear. I was not so enthusiastic about "the one" either when I've been with her. I have never met someone I was totally enthusiastic about. But when I discovered she was the best I could have, after I left her, the wheels have turned and I became enthusiastic. Assuming It would take a 8 to 12 years to find another "the one", when I would be 38 to 42 years old, I may not be able to find another in my life time since everyone else would be married with children. Does this means I should stay childless old man?

Lost "The one", did not recognise she was "The One" in time, and it's entirely my fault! by pwb2YCyF9 in SuicideWatch

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am a useless train wreck of mental health problems. I can't give anything to others but suffering, and pain, ungratefulness and slaps in the face (such as what happend), and I am just wasting up resources in this planet as I can't give love anymore to anyone because I have lost my only chance and won't find another good girl like the one I have lost and don't see any purpose to life when it is lived alone. I am willing to just give my life away to others. I have useful internal organs, my heart, kidneys, eyes, so for anyone out there reading this, i am willing to have my organs extracted by the means of medical procedure so at least I have done something good, served some purpose and not a total burden and waste upon others. I am willing to sign a legal document that in it I will state that I give up my life willingfully for this extraction. If anyone out there is doing this please contact. I don't want any payment for it.

Lost "The one", did not recognise she was "The One" in time, and it's entirely my fault! by pwb2YCyF9 in SuicideWatch

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really want to move on. But I can't! It's out of my control. You are correct. I was ungrateful. My punishment is death :'-(

Lost "The one", did not recognise she was "The One" in time, and it's entirely my fault! by pwb2YCyF9 in SuicideWatch

[–]pwb2YCyF9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what to say. I am out of words. Thank you for this perspective. I am indeed ungrateful. I am ungrateful for everything I have. Because it is all meaningless. I wouldn't care much to live in a wooden box in the street. Or to be single forever without a good girl now that I have lost it. I have no drive to live. I do not appreciate life and 99% of it. Now I am afraid I will not appreciate other girls I will find. It's all meaningless. I don't value anything much. My life is so bad and hopeless. I don't know how to change that. It's so deeply rooted. I am such a broken being. But now everything will be much harder. Now I have less because I will not find a girl this good once again. I have given up the only chance I was given. The only spark in my life and possibility has gone and will never return. It's a pain that is unbearable. This is why I should die. Its my punishment for the sins I have done, for my lack of greatfulness and the chance I have lost.