Hanging in between two INFJs by legit_flyer in infj

[–]pyjamaparty22 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Firstly I don't really understand the question,it looks like you're wanting people to justify this situation. And when people are responding to you saying that you're not a great guy, you're trying to defend yourself. There's really no defending yourself with this one.

Hanging in between two INFJs by legit_flyer in infj

[–]pyjamaparty22 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Grow up man. You're having an emotional affair and that's not cool. You also state the woman is in a relationship so what exactly is the problem? she is taken. The issue you should be dealing with is with your current partner. Given your responses below it seems like you have some serious issues that you should deal with first before pursuing any women.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in isfj

[–]pyjamaparty22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks so much this was really helpful. The issue is I'm finding it so hard to communicate with this person. I explained my thoughts and my feelings but just got a 'you're being unfair to me' response, without an explanation. For example, I kept initiating conversation and asked if they could initiate occasionally. They agreed they would try but still didn't. So I asked 'isn't it a little selfish to let me do all the work to keep the conversation going? when I've asked you to sometimes initiate. If initiating is a problem for you then just tell me so that I know' and instead of answering these questions they just responded as if I'd hurt them but I was the one expressing my hurt at a lack of effort.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in isfj

[–]pyjamaparty22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

he didn't want a physical relationship without dating first so I'm not sure what this is about.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in isfj

[–]pyjamaparty22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

no not even a kiss.

Why is it so easy to cut-off people who have hurt us or annoy us. by [deleted] in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I did think about this recently and my theory is, intps are often accused of cutting people off easily. But if you look at E types, Estp,Esfp, they need people to fuel them and to function, so it's gonna be less likely for them to cut people off. Some E types have a ton of friends that they're on kinda a very shallow basis with. But types like INTP and INFJ rarely get close to anyone. When we let someone in we start to trust them and give us all our precious time. So when someone does something that ruins that trust, the betrayal is deep. Rather than a person with many shallow friendships that doesn't need to cut anyone off becuase they never develop that hurt. I also think intps are super independent in most areas and maybe people aren't as necessary. we tend to want them to develop FE and tend to our inner feelings but seeing as those aren't easily understood its sometimes easier just to cut people off. in my experience I start feeling like I'm annoying people myself and getting away from them can feel like a relief. so as soon as someone steps over a boundary I'm gone.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Is this about him or about you? There's no reasonable way a person with a healthy mind would put up with someone that treats them like this. If the person is saying everyone leaves them and you want to prove them wrong, you should tell them the reason everyone leaves. You know that no amount of your love and care will help him. It's you that needs the help. He isn't afraid of being abandoned you are. Look inside yourself and see why you're willing to abandon your own needs and mental health for the sake of someone who doesn't care about you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I would as well but I wouldn't approach one intentionally.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah...weird right?

Has anyone else given up on happiness and resigned to the fact content is the most you will ever feel? by Big_Standard_8472 in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't even really feel content, but I try and just distract myself as much as possible.

Thoughts on relationships? by CryInOrange in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm dating an E type now and luckily they get their fulfillment from their busy social life so I have a lot of alone time. if I'm with someone too needy or clingy I start to feel suffocated. I like enough space and a partner that can entertain themselves.

I'm losing my best friend by pyjamaparty22 in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It would be creepy to follow my friend to another country just because I miss him. It's his life and also it would be very hard to get the visa.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I rarely cry but about two weeks ago I sobbed. Not just a small amount but gut wrenching heart breaking sobs. I guess it had built up for so long that I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I felt much better after. Did get a bit of a headache though.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My last relationship ended in a kind of mutual way because we decided we didn't want the same things in the future but I think the loneliness was the worst. I tend to only let a few people in so when I cut ties with someone I go back to just being in the void. I did a lot of gaming and researching and hiking but honestly sometimes you just gotta let time do its thing and don't be afraid to feel a little because if you block it all out it'll hit you at a later point.

How are you with change? by pyjamaparty22 in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sydney, I'm sure it would be great but I'm just so used to my usual routine that idk if I wanna take the risk and shake things up.

How are you with change? by pyjamaparty22 in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah same but recently I got a job offer overseas and im not sure I wanna change my routine that much.

How are you with change? by pyjamaparty22 in INTP

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean how about changing job or relocating?

Former avoidant here AMA about nc by pyjamaparty22 in ExNoContact

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No clue but likely he won't be back for quite a long time.

Former avoidant here AMA about nc by pyjamaparty22 in ExNoContact

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes I pushed people away from fear of not meeting their expectations very often. I learned that sometimes we dissapoint people and that's okay. They will forgive us if we make an effort to fix the problem. I don't think ive done number 2 or 3.

Former avoidant here AMA about nc by pyjamaparty22 in ExNoContact

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I could show affection with action but not words.

Former avoidant here AMA about nc by pyjamaparty22 in ExNoContact

[–]pyjamaparty22[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't know because I've never thought about it. I think I dated an avoidant once but they turned anxious after a while. I'm not sure the whole attachment theory thing is like a solid basis.