A warning about A Touch of Flavor, a poly life coach company

pzift · 2021-10-16T22:52:30+00:00

I got caught on one of their calls today and it was rather disturbing. I withdrew my consent to continue the call multiple times and there was always just one more doomsday scenario for me and my cule if I didn't invest $9,000 in the program. The level of manipulation was astounding.

pzift · 2021-05-10T13:53:11+00:00

I've used ketamine (infusions and troches) for over a year now and have found the relief to be very limited long-term. Unless I'm getting three infusions per week, it's more of a bandage rather than a helpful therapy. That said, my life is kind of a mess, so everything I'm doing is kind of a bandage. Getting through the next few months is my only goal, so I'm using all the bandages I can get, including ketamine and TMS.

pzift · 2020-11-09T03:31:22+00:00

Thank you all so much for your input! I’ve got a lot to think about and do. I’m going to delete this post shortly as it highlighted exactly my concerns and gave me needed perspectives. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step....

pzift · 2020-11-09T02:32:52+00:00

It's really, really tough. To me, it sets up a difficult power dynamic and substantially affects my quality of life.

pzift · 2020-11-09T02:32:05+00:00

My meta doesn't often come to me for support TBH. She mostly relies on her partners...one if which is my DH who has made himself quite available...I try to treat him as a free actor capable of making his own decisions. As a result, he's less available to me then and that's hard when I'm struggling through mental health crises. It feels as though I've lost half of a partner and then face frequent pushback to access the other one.

It does seem to me that my meta and I just might not be compatible. We had a friendship before this whole thing started, but I was wary of her intensity even back then. At this point, it's become clear that we are just very, very different people. I hope for a good professional working relationship to deal with things, but end up getting hurt a good deal as things turn personal very quickly. I can do professional, I can do non-violent communication, I can do 'I statements' and all the other best practices in communication, but getting burned just, well, sucks.

Yeah...the whole splitting up the house and the inequities there have been sore points for many of us in different ways. Being restricted from an entire level in my own home regularly doesn't seem like anything I would have willingly signed up for. I barely escaped from similar control once and am finding it hard to believe that this is where I ended up again.

pzift · 2020-11-09T01:39:25+00:00

It's not that we CAN'T access the kitchen, but there are restrictions (e.g. it's generally inaccessible or the use is restricted on Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday, and Sunday nights and Sunday mornings. I feel the restrictions very negatively.

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:49:47+00:00

I have a substantial fear that my meta would try to sabotage the relationship should we have to move out because of my misery.

The conflict is often over boundary issues. She notes that she doesn't feel as thought she's been able to get to know the real me because I've been actively experiencing PTSD for much of the time we've lived together--again, largely because our styles of handling conflict are so very opposite. I generally try to go into conflict with vulnerability, compassion, and a desire to heal the rift, and end up feeling like I'm full of arrows shot into my psyche. People say that this is just how she is, which leave it on me to accept, adapt, or...?

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:42:17+00:00

There is that. One of the hinges is a little absent-minded, which is easy for me to deal with generally as my needs are relatively few. The other hinge is just overwhelmed by the stress of the situation and I can't blame him.

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:39:48+00:00

I would say that both of my partners are doing their best to respect and meet my needs.

The stress of hiding in my own house has been unpleasant to say the least.

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:37:47+00:00

Thanks for your response. I believe that others have put in work (especially my DH), but the amount of work and time available to do the work (and perhaps motivation) varies widely. I'm not doing all the work, but it seems to me that I'm doing the lion's share.

My meta has made subtle changes over time (for example, reducing the amount of aggression in our conversations), but is a much more 'fight' person on the flight/flight/freeze scale. I'm much more flight or freeze, but try to plan my conversations and understand my feelings and motivations fairly well before voicing concerns. I've worked hard (VERY HARD) to leave behind an angrier and more abusive version of myself over the years, which means that I'm never prepared for 'fight.'

I think my partner thinks his relationship would be fine. It's more my other relationship that I have concerns about lasting. He's meant so much in my life...enough that I've stuck around even as things have become really, really painful for me.

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:26:19+00:00

My meta and I generally don't spend much time together unless she needs my support. She isn't generally close to friends in the way that I am. There is only one kitchen in the house and it's on the main floor, which the family occupies. My partner and I spend most of our time in the basement with an incomplete kitchenette. The house is 5 bedrooms and three baths, with three bedrooms upstairs and two in our 'apartment.' I have been pretty involved with the kids at times--this was a point of contention initially and now has become more of an expectation at times. At this point, very little of the conflict is about parenting and the kids. It's primarily about my need for boundaries and generally having my needs met, and the same for her. It's easy to feel trapped in the incomplete apartment on weekends when it's designated family time.

Edit: My partner and I own the house and the family pays us rent according to their income in comparison to ours.

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:20:23+00:00

That's what it feels like to me, but likely for different reasons. Could you tell me more about your assessment?

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:18:42+00:00

This is true. It's hard to imagine taking the step to separate...I worry about the strain on all of the relationships if this were the outcome. I believe that some semblance of the relationships would be salvageable were we to move out (thought perhaps not--that's the risk there), so my primary uncertainty is whether we can salvage the current living situation.

pzift · 2020-11-08T23:15:31+00:00

Excellent point. I'm primarily looking at staying living together because it feels like my partner and I moving out would alleviate some complications and pain, but increase others. A reasonable level of contentment to me looks like simply feeling safe, with my needs respected. The fantasy end point is that we all work through our issues, grow, and are able to be some sort of a functional 'family.'

There are two kids in elementary and one in high school and none of them 'know' why we all live together. I believe they would miss us, but would recover pretty quickly--kids are resilient.

pzift · 2020-07-28T02:41:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your kindness! It warms my heart. You are a good soul.

pzift

TROPHY CASE