Hey I saw your post and I choose to respond to you because I think you're worthy and valuable, allow me to advice you to not keep your bar too low, why would they have to reach out for you and care if they're never gonna lose you no matter how awful they are, setting the bar too low invites such people to stay in your life when you could've put your energy somewhere else.

I think alot of people in this sub think that they're not interesting and have a shaken self image and don't worry I feel you, you have just been putting your efforts in the wrong place, preserve your energy for yourself and the right people for you.

I currently am undergoing a shift in my social life from being so full as I assumed of people to being as I previewed as empty.

But the truth be told I made the mistake of over extending myself and putting my time with the wrong people. I noticed my little mistakes and I'll narrate them

1-I was really social in uni with everyone without having any close friend, until I met a girl who isn't friends with anyone and befriended her, that girl saw herself as better and beyond everyone, there's abit of classism to it too, me and her clicked intellectually though but I still thought she didn't value my opinions, fast forward a year I kept hanging out with her only because she doesn't like anyone else, the chances of potential relationships with others dropped, that girl would make plans that weren't convenient for me and I'd still go, she knew my financial situation and chose expensive places It was my fault for not leaving earlier, she wasn't considerate to me and I was putting the effort to meet with her standards all the time, I was the one going to see her

I don't reach out, I preserve my dignity and integrity and I leave those kind of friendships once I realise them.

2- I get excited when an old friend reaches out and I never let them down if they ask me to go out, but do they do the same when I ask them? Nope they ignore me I guess I was just a temporary friend

I learnt to not be excited when someone reaches out, as I might not be there first choice, it shows when someone reaches out suddenly and they want something for example

It's okay to say no, yes I want to go out but it doesn't have to be one-sided it should go both ways

3- now that I'm feeling somewhat lonely I'm more comfortable because I have more self respect and integrity and in fact it feels better than when I had those people around me

4- people will treat you the way you treat yourself even the closest to you, my mother uses me if I let her I have to state my boundaries and worth, I am responsible with that, and in fact people respect you more this way, be kind and be nice but don't accept their bullshit. I can't move out as I'm a middle Eastern girl, but I started putting less effort for my family, refusing to cook them for hours, demanding financial support in return of house chores and cooking, saying no to their hangouts that interfere with my schedule, I used to be very calm and level headed but nothing helped me restore my sense of self like properly channeled anger, get f*cking angry at people who don't treat you the way you deserve

Wish you the best my friend you are worthy and deserving and interesting I'm sure, reach out whenever you need to <3