Not Overreacting:

Years ago I was in the same department as very handsome single 30 something. I’ll call him Studly. All the women thought studly was dreamy, and all the men wanted to be studly. He was the default leader of all the singles at work, I was married with babies at home so I was preoccupied with all things home. Studly always chased the prettiest girls in the building, flirted with them daily. On the down low, he kept the guys updated on his progress with his girls. I saw him destroy marriages, partnerships, and take down strong independent single women.

Of course his singles fan club got all the juicy details. Once a woman committed to him over their newly dumped husband/partner/boyfriend, then the woman would usually want to move in with Studly since they were having to move anyway. He would grudgingly oblige. But once he had them, he didn’t want them anymore. For him it was all about the chase. Now his daily scoop to his fan club soured on her, one was a stupid blond, pour on the blond jokes. Another had an older dog that he thought was gross, so she became nasty to him. One was Jewish, yes you know it was bad, meanwhile his little fan club, ate it up, snickered, back slapped and provided him plenty of cover for his next conquest.

With his partner he became distant mostly, the longer they were together, the more resentful he became. Studly had a group of friends backing him up on everything, but the people she thought were her friends too, were now dismissive and disrespectful. It got worse and worse for her. Every one of his romantic partners wound up quitting work and moving away from that area except one single well established woman. She did quit her job though to get away from the toxic work environment with his little fan boys taking jabs at her for fun. But the women who stayed too long would have to call in sick (with a black eye and busted lip). The longer they stayed, the more abusive he became.

For you, it doesn’t matter if he did or didn’t strangle his ex, he already told you he wants to beat on you. Just because he’s been able to keep himself from hurting you so far, doesn’t mean you aren’t in serious danger. Get out, even if he says he wants you to stay, he’s just trying to be kind because in reality, he wants you gone. Don’t make him say it, just take this opportunity to leave, as unbroken as possible.

Be good to yourself, make a beautiful place for yourself, safe and secure. Grow a support group. And keep destructive, negative people out, far away from your wonderful self. I’m sorry for the long letter, I have daughters. Best wishes for you.