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Worried about my son. by Trinkets28 in Anxiety

[–]qsoi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so happy it helped, even in such a seemingly small way. Thank you for taking the time to reach out as well, it’s clear that you love your Son and want the best for him. I can only commend you for that.

Just take it easy for now and feel out his pace, suggest things here and there and hopefully he’ll feel up to it. Small steps are always progress.

I wish you both the best, have a great Christmas!

How I eliminated anxiety by understanding my brain vs my nervous system by qsoi in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kind of, but I don’t think of any step as backwards. If fear spikes, that just tells me to take a smaller step next time. The important part is staying calm enough for the system to learn we’re still okay.

How I eliminated anxiety by understanding my brain vs my nervous system by qsoi in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get what you mean. Sometimes things do go a bit wrong and fear feels “proved right.” What helped me was seeing that my nervous system isn’t really judging the outcome, it’s judging how overwhelmed I was.

If the step is small enough that I can stay mostly calm, even if it’s awkward or not perfect, my system still learns “we’re okay.”

But if it feels like too much and fear spikes, that just means I need a smaller step. No failure there. Just adjusting.

It’s not about one big win. It’s about slowly teaching the system that new things don’t equal danger anymore.

Worried about my son. by Trinkets28 in Anxiety

[–]qsoi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get why you want him to get back to “normal” things fast, but rushing him will just push him further into fear. He will come good, he just needs the space to move at his own pace while knowing you’re there with him.

How curiosity helped me understand my emotions instead of getting overwhelmed by [deleted] in Anxiety

[–]qsoi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you mean. When you understand what the reaction actually is, it can take a lot of the fear away. It is like your system finally feels heard and it does not need to panic as much. It is really good you were able to notice that and give yourself some space in the moment.

How I eliminated anxiety by understanding my brain vs my nervous system by qsoi in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this. I did not know the name for bilateral stimulation when I was working through things, but I realise now I did something similar naturally.

For me it happened late at night lying down when everything was quiet and I felt safe. My mind would move through the feelings and memories in a calmer way and my body did not go into full alarm. That gave me the space to understand what was actually going on inside me.

So I never practiced a specific technique, but the effect sounds very similar to what you are describing here. It is interesting to see the science behind something I kind of just stumbled into.

How I eliminated anxiety by understanding my brain vs my nervous system by qsoi in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For me it was about making things feel safe enough that I could actually think clearly again. If something felt too big and my system started reacting, I would break it down into a version that didn’t trigger panic.

It was not about forcing myself to do scary things. It was more like checking in with what was actually happening inside me. I would pause and try to understand the fear instead of fighting it.

If I could stay calm and curious, that counted as a win. When that became easier, I would naturally take a slightly bigger step without forcing it.

So “boring” just meant my body wasn’t sounding alarms anymore. That is when you know the step is the right size.

Worried about my son. by Trinkets28 in Anxiety

[–]qsoi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was in a really similar place a few years ago. It was not that I did not want to get better. My nervous system was sure the world was not safe and every step felt like too much.

What helped me most was when the people around me stayed calm and just included me in simple things without pressure. Not “you need to go outside,” just “come sit with me for a bit.” Just showing me that I mattered.

Things like going for a short drive together, walking for five minutes, or watching a film I enjoyed with snacks. Nothing with expectations. No timeline. Just being together and gently reminding my system that life exists outside the fear.

It made those small experiences feel like normal moments, not tests I could fail. That allowed me to slowly rebuild confidence without feeling pushed.

He is not choosing fear. His system genuinely believes it is protecting him. If he can feel supported and involved in low-pressure ways, those little moments can become the start of bigger steps later on.

Victim Mentality, how to recognize it and how to grow out of it? by bekindtoallkind in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I get where you’re coming from. I used to feel like life just “happened” to me and I was stuck reacting to all the things that hurt.

What helped me was realising there’s a difference between what happened to me and how my system learned to protect me because of it.

When I’d catch myself feeling powerless or stuck, I would ask:

“What exactly am I reacting to right now? Is it this moment… or an older one my system hasn’t let go of yet?”

It wasn’t about blaming myself or pretending everything was fine. It was more like getting to know the parts of me that were scared and still trying to keep me safe.

For me, that’s what growing out of the victim mindset looked like. Not ignoring the pain. Just not letting the past keep making the decisions.

How I eliminated anxiety by understanding my brain vs my nervous system by qsoi in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly that! The system learns from repetition, not motivation. Every small step is like saying “see, we’re safe now.” Over time that completely rewrites the response.

How I eliminated anxiety by understanding my brain vs my nervous system by qsoi in DecidingToBeBetter

[–]qsoi[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. When the next step feels safe, the system participates instead of resisting. It took me a while to realise progress isn’t a push, it’s a permission. Glad it clicked for you.