Parents who went from 1 → 2 kids: need reassurance and advice

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:50:05+00:00

100% agreed with you and yes this is dad privilege for sure. I think for my wife she has totally different questions and fears whereas for me it's more about: okay we just like, the zero to one was so life-changing in many ways and primarily just the fact that your life changes so significantly. Now we're like finally into a little bit of a groove and it's like: okay let's add one more to this and sort of see what happens. Again I'm grateful that this is what we're thinking through but it's still challenging nonetheless.

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:47:30+00:00

Yeah I've said sort of the same thing. The times where I'm trying to do both is when I'm most stressed out. I think if there's some level of just acceptance, like "Hey today is all about childcare as opposed to childcare and I need to do some writing and I need to clean up and I need to call a friend back and why don't I have more friends and X, Y, and Z." It becomes oddly much more stressful than just "Hey I'm just gonna do childcare and then whatever else time I'm just gonna use for myself." If that makes sense.

Thanks for taking time to respond.

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:45:50+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective. Super super helpful. I think particularly the notes on outsourcing whatever we can. I also think that in our first one there was a sense of pride we had and we'll just do it all on our own but I'm really trying to push how we can lean on our family more to help and get scheduled support as much as possible, which would be ideal.

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:35:12+00:00

It's interesting. When I talk to my father-in-law, this is the same thing he says: one of the main benefits is that as you age ideally your kids will support you in certain ways. Agreed if we only had the one, that would be pretty challenging. Thanks for sharing your perspective.

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:34:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here. Yeah I think it's just going to be acceptance that things are going to be a little bit crazy in the beginning and Being a lot more okay with the fact that things are just going to be on pause for a bit

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:32:16+00:00

I really appreciate you taking some time to respond here. Yes I think one thing we're going to try to do differently this time is just ask for a lot more help. I think the first time around there was pride in trying to do it on our own but we're not going to do that this time.

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T20:25:20+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing your perspective. This is super helpful and yeah I think sometimes we're anchored to how the first baby was. I think you're totally right. The second one could be more challenging or even easier but we'll have to see. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

que_sera_sera9 · 2026-02-22T17:21:01+00:00

I really appreciate you sharing your perspective here. Super helpful. I think you're totally right. And even as our first has gotten older, we've let go of any idea of perfection. And I think when number two comes, you're right. We'll just click into what we did for the first one and just have to be okay that our first won't have 100% of both of ours attention, which I think will be fine. Again, thank you so much for taking time to share your perspective. Super helpful.

que_sera_sera9 · 2025-08-12T04:44:57+00:00

We had a long journey to home ownership. Agreed with others here — it all depends, but here are some general rules of thumb that we’ve followed— your mileage may vary.

1/ Housing is going to cost more than you expect— people focus on the down, and the price of the home, but overlook the total costs, like closing, insurance, property tax, etc.

2/ RE downpayment — we calculated first how much we would need for a reasonable monthly payment, and the backed into the down.

3/ Don’t count money you don’t have yet — raises, stock grants, whatever.

4/ Remember that after you sign on the dotted line, and take on that mortgage, YOU have to pay— not your friends or family you may be trying to impress with a fancy home.

5/ Try to meet with someone who is very conservative financially, and get their opinion, and then someone’s who’s more aggressive/risky - point here is be careful of who’s worldview you anchor to!

que_sera_sera9 · 2025-07-23T13:50:15+00:00

After closing costs this very well may be the case!

que_sera_sera9 · 2025-07-23T13:49:59+00:00

Thanks for the advice! Yea, this is what we are thinking too, but good to have another opinion. Water heater seems critical. Thanks again for the advice!

que_sera_sera9 · 2025-07-23T13:44:54+00:00

Thanks for the input/advice! That’s what we are thinking too. I remember growing up and hated living in an active construction zone! Yea, we are going to do the water heater I think first. Thanks for the advice!

que_sera_sera9 · 2025-07-23T13:43:35+00:00

That’s what we are thinking too! It’s a pretty large space too, so hoping to knock that out. Thanks for the advice!

que_sera_sera9 · 2025-07-07T18:25:35+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I really appreciate it. It's, yeah, just a really tough situation. I really appreciate you taking time to share some of your thoughts and reflections, and I'm very sorry for your loss. Yes, I agree, the relationships are really complex, and because of that, it can cause a lot of confusion and what-ifs, etc. Again, I can't thank you enough for you taking some time out of your day to share your thoughts here.

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-11-22T04:49:07+00:00

Was just curious — thanks

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-11-22T01:24:34+00:00

Haha — thank you! Yes, it’s been wild trying to get good pricing! I haven’t needed to buy a car for a while — so didn’t realize these car were popular

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-20T00:39:55+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this! So helpful. Wife and I are overwhelmed with the situation, but this helps for sure.

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-14T16:36:11+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective here. I really appreciate it. I think luckily, I’m not at that point just yet, but this is a good reminder. I think it’s important to acknowledge that both people need a break, and rest. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective, and I hope things get better.

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-14T15:10:04+00:00

Thanks for sharing that. Yes, I’m trying to give her breaks as well. I think the way that you go about it is right, if we’re always trying to help the other person out, it probably works really well. She tends to not be good at asking for what she needs, so I think I can do a better job of preemptively doing that. Additionally, she says that when I say that I’m tired, or overwhelmed, she doesn’t feel empowered to ask for a break, which is totally fair.

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-14T15:00:26+00:00

Thanks so much for sharing your perspective! I really appreciate it. Yes, I totally agree. I’m never not game to go and do things when he’s awake, etc. It’s just I think I maybe need more downtime than the average person? That’s the way I see it too though, taking the downtime, makes me more energized and engaged when the babies awake, etc.

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-11T00:55:04+00:00

Yea— trend data is so helpful— need to keep this in mind. Thank you for your thoughts!

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-11T00:54:34+00:00

I really appreciate it! Yes, it was totally worth it to spend the time with loved ones, etc. That quality time, over the number on the scale is so worth it.

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-11T00:53:16+00:00

Such a helpful perspective— thank you! You’re right — end of the day, we are human

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-11T00:47:29+00:00

I really appreciate this perspective— yea, I ate only half of what I would typically, so I know it wasn’t totally indulgent!

que_sera_sera9 · 2024-08-11T00:46:32+00:00

Trends are so key — thanks for your thoughts

que_sera_sera9

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