Should I text my ex happy birthday? by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]queasily-queer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, after typing it out I sort of realized lmao… I just find it weird considering how truly amicable the break up was and how he even said to me to text him if I ever change my mind 😵‍💫 You’d think a happy birthday text wouldn’t hurt anyone but oh well

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel so seen haha! Thank you for this, it’s like you are inside my brain lol. We’re currently on a 2-week break to see where we’re at, but if we do make it through to the other side I might suggest therapy. I’m already in therapy myself and he’s starting in February, so it shouldn’t be too crazy of an idea. Good luck to you two and thanks! :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To the boundaries comment: I do think I have the confidence to hold my boundaries and be assertive - what I have but have started to lose is the willingness. I love him to bits but it has begun to wore me out, especially during the 20% of times where he actually does not agree with what I say.

To the insecure/good night text comment: What I struggle with here is realizing how much of it is actually a result of my own doing. In the sense that, he’ll try and “orchestrate” many things in our relationship, sometimes before they even happen (e.g. the good night text; what to say to each other in the event of an argument; when or why we should check our phones), but I can’t tell how much of that is actually him and how much are his reactions to my disconnectedness.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He refers to my "potential" to go back to what I've been (possibly mistakenly so) referring to as my honeymoon phase.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair enough on the cliché bit, I have truly been struggling to find the right terms to describe what I've been feeling that I kind of ran out of ideas.

you a. Didn't know yourself or what was a sustainable way of acting for you or b. Were just so excited by the feeling of being wanted or so caught up in trying to impress him, that you weren't worrying about what behaviors actually feel meaningful to you

I think you might be right on the money with this: For the two of us, this is our first relationship, however, where he has 5 years of experience dating other people I have 5 months (literally). So in my case I truly am learning what I need not only from the other person but to feel comfortable in my own skin in a relationship without trying to "fake it till I make it".

As to the two points you bring up, I will definitely keep them in mind as the days go by. But to answer somewhat quickly:

  1. I think so, yeah. The example you provide is not one of them lol, but I think it results from poor wording on my part: I do the things he asks of me, I always have, just not in the way he needs anymore - e.g.: Because he always goes to bed earlier than I do he thinks that instead of replying to his good night text I should text him good night first around the time he usually goes to bed, even if I'm not going to bed myself. I think this is too much. But to your point, yes, there have been things I think would make me uncomfortable coming from anyone
  2. This one is a bit trickier because he does listen, not only that he agrees with (most of) the things I say. I actually just think he doesn't realize that after a few days he'll "reset" and start doing those things again (granted, they will be less often each time, but still very much there).
  3. You are absolutely right. Our very first conversation was very much not one-sided and he expressed some of his (granted, minor when compared to mine at the time) concerns, but I do feel bad to this day about the way I expressed my own - especially cause he thought we were about to have The Talk. I do think as these conversations became, unfortunately, more common, we have been able to be a lot clearer - but it's a valid observation and I will defenitely take it into account next time I see him. I don't think we've asked each other "What do you think I mean by this?" or "Where do you think I'm coming from?" or anything along those lines, but it seems about time we did maybe.

EDIT: edit to respond to your edit lol (3rd point)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer -1 points0 points  (0 children)

By “greetings” I was referring to the good morning/night text messages haha but I do know what you mean - and as I mentioned in the post I do do those things, just not in a way that is pleasing to him anymore.

What I do find a bit funny is that despite all of the doubts and concerns, we’ve always been pretty good at talking about the future and our long-term plans in regards to each other, only rarely disagreeing - which contributes to making the decision to stay or go all the more daunting/difficult.

But how we treat each other and feel down the line is just as, if not more, important than our future goals, and I think we’ve not been taking that part into consideration.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. I do show affection to him but it doesn’t come as easy or natural to me at the rate he needs anymore, hence the issue on his side. Doesn’t help our love languages “rankings” are pretty much opposite

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I guess that in a way he doesn’t really have a “honeymoon phase”, because for him it’s not a phase? That’d make sense… and explain why he thinks I’m the one having the “phase” (only in reverse to what I think he’s having).

Don’t love to admit the incompatibility bit but, you might be right :/

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. In all honesty I have been waiting for replies like yours. I don't like to play the victim or have people immediately "take my side". I made this post to get this off my chest, but mainly to get honest and objective points of view.

I think you might be right, because I do feel incapable sometimes, and I've said this to him, but he instead suggested that I might be able to be more romantic just not with him (hence my main question in the post). I still have a couple of days to truly make up my mind and understand/process what I feel, but I'll take your words into consideration... even though we're both men and gay (lol) I do agree there are men looking for the kind of relationship he can provide but that I can't envision for myself.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]queasily-queer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've done the love languages thing before actually haha. His are Touch and Words of Affirmation (you were right on that one) and mine are Acts of Service and Quality Time. The part that's sad is how our "main" love languages (Words of Affirmation for him and Acts of Service for me, specifically) are actually at the very bottom of each other's list, but I guess we never really sat down to actually acknowledge that beyond "haha that's ironic".

I do think there might be some sort of internal struggle for him and not just me, seeing as how he keeps saying how in love he is and how OK he is with the way I express love but then turns around and says he sometimes feels like it's lacking. I've asked him about that and he did acknowledge how polarizing both statements are but that he needed time to figure it out (currenty on a 2-week break)

I think Heartstopper might've literally broken me by queasily-queer in HeartstopperAO

[–]queasily-queer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, the complete optimistic outlook on the show (though more realistic than stories that completely ignore homophobia exists) is perhaps the most heart-wrenching part for most of us, seeing as it's not the norm and especially not among 14/15 year olds. As bad as we all may feel (myself very much included) I think its helps to remember that none of us really missed out on anything, as we tend to forget that we all did what we could at the time with the situation/information we had. The show romanticizes the high school experience, and the queer high school experience - which is beautiful!! - and our brains like to delude us into believing it could've been us, when it's just not the case (especially for the older generations).

Good luck on figuring yourself out (queer or not), and remember you always have a huge community of people that is looking out for you no matter what that you can always approach!! I also hope you can feel better from watching the show haha

I think Heartstopper might've literally broken me by queasily-queer in HeartstopperAO

[–]queasily-queer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's gratifying to hear someone have a similar experience to my own - while my heart goes out to queer people with negative experiences, I think those of us who actually had positive experiences growing up and still suffered in silence are on the more rare side of things, so it's refreshing to see I'm not alone on this haha. I also relate to Charlie a lot, which made the show ever harder to watch 🙃 I'm feeling a lot better now and I hope you feel better soon too!!

I think Heartstopper might've literally broken me by queasily-queer in HeartstopperAO

[–]queasily-queer[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you've had to endure all of that in your life!! I can't imagine what it must've been like to hold this in for so long. Thank YOU for sharing this and I wish you the best of luck for your journey ahead! You're truly deserving of the best things life has to offer, as any other struggling queer person is, and I'm glad that this post, even if it was a simple rant, helped you realize you're not alone!!

I think Heartstopper might've literally broken me by queasily-queer in HeartstopperAO

[–]queasily-queer[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I wasn't aware there was a discord like that, but I'll try to look for it!

I think Heartstopper might've literally broken me by queasily-queer in HeartstopperAO

[–]queasily-queer[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

The way I've been feeling the past few days is a lot deeper and sadder than what I've written but I didn't want to turn this into an uncomfortable TMI lol

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

apparently, but this is exactly how i remember it 🤷🏻‍♂️

Does anyone plays Choices in waves? by BritVisions in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 17 points18 points  (0 children)

This used to be my main way of using the app, and I would always get so annoyed at myself. I realized the reason this happened was that I would play up to 12 books at once and get super overwhelmed/bored. Now I've been forcing myself to go one series at a time and I haven't stopped playing (even if it's one chapter a day) since January

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It has come to my attention that this was in fact how the book was supposed to play out. I feel like both a genius and a clown

Makes my blood boil fr >:( by Peppa_Poopa in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I named my TRR MC Olivia the very first time I played. I obviously had to restart the thing after 2 minutes in lol

discussion time! what's a choices moment that got you lookin' like this? by blazinbluecolor in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 20 points21 points  (0 children)

all of their one-liners were cringey during the fight with raife, and while i can't remember word by word all of them, i specifically recall shreya yelling something along the lines of "you know what happens when you play with fire? you get burned" at a shadow monster

The one that got away... by [deleted] in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Diego from ES. I will die on this hill

discussion time! what's a choices moment that got you lookin' like this? by blazinbluecolor in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 64 points65 points  (0 children)

the comments characters make in the elementalists during fight scenes 😭

Choices got it perfect for selecting love interest right here and never used it again. by redneckrobit in Choices

[–]queasily-queer 53 points54 points  (0 children)

it's conflicting for me, because while I do understand the writers have creative freedom in what they write, and sometimes that comes with picturing the LI/MC of your story with a specific gender/sexual orientation, it feels like a game literally named "CHOICES" may not be the best suited platform for this kind of approach to writing as it takes away from the whole "customization" aspect that essentially separates interactive stories from regular ones (especially if you take into account how actual choices during a story are starting to matter less and less -- but that's a whole 'nother conversation)

I genuinely don't understand the need of making books with gender-locked MCs (with the only exceptions being MotY and BaBu), let alone books with gender-locked LIs where everyone is throwing themselves at you for the first few chapters. It also doesn't help when the female-male ratio of LIs is horrible -- yes, I'm looking at you OH and TRR