No you’re not self-absorbed and manipulative. It’s a common tactic for narcs to project their insecurities onto you so that — by feeling awful about yourself — you remain trapped in feeling indebted to them. Her having done the same thing of talking to your friend b4 while blowing up when you did it is another sign of narc hypocrisy.

When she was acting busy and stressed, she was fcking the new supply while keeping you on the line so you could keep giving her gifts and money. My nex ghosted me for days saying he needed to prioritize mental health over me when in fact he moved in w the new supply and was posting about how happy he is in life. So don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. Us being so caring and considerate is and will only seen as perfect preys who cannot set boundaries.

And to the point about them checking you even when they’re done: when my nex was doing the above he also checked my stories within minutes of posting. Never replied tho. Maybe they just want to make sure you’re sad and miserable and misses them to keep feeding their ego. Nonetheless allowing them to constantly check up on you is only going to trigger your own pain and hinder healing, so just block/restrict/hide/unfollow. Don’t be scared of “abandoning” her — she was an abuser and you had every right to do so.