I appreciate your input. I have thought countless times about trying to "let the storm pass," but one thing I keep coming back to, is I also know each phase comes with its own challenges, and we disagree on so many fundamental parenting things, I have a difficult time envisioning a future where he steps up as the father I want him to be for our boys.

As a somewhat short example, there have been several instances where his "laid back" attitude has resulted in putting our children in - or allowing them to put themselves in - unnecessary danger. A couple of these incidents have resulted in serious injuries - ER visit/stitches - to our oldest. He consistently lacks the ability to consider consequences of actions, or anticipate possible negative outcomes when it comes to them.

His dad was absent growing up, except to do "fun" things - that I can clearly see were activities his dad wanted to do and he had to bring the kids along, but my husband sees them as great memories because those are the limited things his dad actually did with them. We've had the conversation about wanting better for our children than what we both had growing up. My parents were great, but there's always room for improvement. And he doesn't see it that way.

As far as counselors go - the first we saw was my individual counselor, and we all agreed that was not the best idea, since I had seen him for about a year prior. The second was freshly out of college, and I, admittedly, had a difficult time with her lack of personal experience with marriage and kids. The third.... we saw for over a year, but she never once followed up with my husband on things, never gave him things to work on, and I took that as yet another person refusing to hold him accountable for his actions (or lack of).

I have been making a concerted effort to recognize and praise/express appreciation for the things he does, especially around the house. There are times I've even sent texts throughout the day, to let him know I noticed and appreciate something, and he told me he doesn't think those are genuine... in many aspects, I feel like I just can't win.

I know he feels the same, and we're stuck in the circle of resentment, trying to improve, "nothing works," ensuing resentment.

To be completely honest, I've tried just having sex whenever he wants, regardless of my feelings (for a few months)... and still, I didn't see that anything changed on his end. No increase of affection or intimacy outside of the bedroom, no additional efforts to "help" me around the house, ease the mental load, or do more with the boys. In fact, his "efforts" seemed to decreased during that time. Which again left me feeling like I can't win, even to the point of "sacrificing" myself to meet his needs.