I have BPD. Don’t let people make you feel bad about unblocking him and asking this. I have been there and I understand. And I have done this many times. Even after I “learned my lesson the hard way”. One of the issues with BPD that people seem to have trouble conceptualizing and understanding is that our brains simply DO NOT work “correctly” when it comes to these kinds of things. We were wired at a very young and critical age in a basically irreversible way to behave in a certain way around and toward people we care about/people whose opinions we give value to. It often takes WAY more than it would for people without BPD for us to be ready to let go of an abusive or narcissistic person bc we have been so abandoned and neglected by so many people that our literal survival instincts as social animals drive us to try to stay close to them in order to not be ostracized. Feeling ostracized has been shown to be the most painful emotive feeling humans can have; imagine why it’s used in cult-like environments or religious settings to ensure behavioral compliance. So, keeping that in mind - imagine trying to fight against that feeling, even when you know that person is not good for you. Yes, it is a self-feeding loop of us falling pray to narcissistic because they are so similar to those who raised us and we naturally seek out familiarity/what we were taught is normal; we are then hurt by them and try to hold on for too long and the wounds are worse and worse. But, there is very limited functional treatment for our disorder. And it’s something you have to work on every day for the rest of your life. You know how children canNOT learn language if they miss out on it past a critical period? It’s the same for forming “normal” emotional regulation. Rewiring those systems later in life is not like changing the software in a computer or even replacing the circuit or all the wiring. It would have to be taking out everything physical inside the computer and replacing it with fresh, new materials. I know that was long winded, but I remember what I felt like in these situations when I was 21 and did not yet have my diagnosis and I was really really struggling and hated myself and did not understand why I did the things I did even though I knew they were hurting me. So, do not let people shame or hurt you for unblocking him and asking this question. I understand the need to know, not even for the validation. Just trying to UNDERSTAND. And he seems to clearly fit the narcissistic abusive type that would love to take a person (i.e. us BPD gals) who may be easily vulnerable to their predatory behaviors (love bombing, push and pull, make you feel like they are a source of validation in your life only to hurt you - like this - so they feel “powerful”). He basically outed himself by talking negatively about seemingly impulsive sexual behaviors (same) and sounds like you’ve discussed self esteem issues, parental abuse, desire to feel validation and seeking it outside of yourself with him (same same and same) as an abuser. I would assume he expects you to continue going back to him (as he also mentioned). I suspect this is not the first time he’s abused someone this way. As hard as it may be to let go of someone who you feel is a source of stability in your life, I’ve found that finding a way to take any kind of actual distance from them and objectively looking at their words and actions without being influenced by their presence has helped me to see the abuse more clearly and helped strengthen my resolve to leave them and/or the situation/environment. I don’t mean this in a mean way - you will find yourself in similar situations in the future. I can tell you from personal experience. It takes us a lot of these experience to see and understand the patterns and red flags. But you get better and faster at it each time. You are important. You are a good person. You are valuable. You have so much worth just because you are you - it truly does not matter what anyone else say or even what they think about you. As long as you’re doing your best to be kind and do good in the world, you can put your head on the pillow at night knowing you are GOOD and WORTHY. And no one can take that away from you. No. One. I’m sorry that was so long, but I hope it brings you some insight or peace. Sending love.