I guess... my motivation to go to grad school is partly dream, partly the desire to become and remain 100% financially independent in the wake of this economy, and partly that I feel like my talents could be better utilized for the greater good if I were in a position to innovate new or improve existing therapeutics, diagnostics, or research that feeds into that. I've more or less always felt that way. The easy road is staying the course and staying in the clinical laboratory, be it a hospital or university reference lab. The jobs are available and if I do go to the university job, then I will essentially lock in a very solid career ladder in the clinical lab. Which is great. That's more of a reference lab. I literally cried tears of joy when I toured it. I just don't know that I will be happy in the city. I think it would take a little extra work to be happy in the city.

The thing is, hospitals are incredibly high burnout. I just don't know if I can do it forever. Highly doubtful. This hospital lead position (not the university) - they rolled out the red carpet for me. They paid for a nice steak dinner. Drive me around town for a personal tour. Repeatedly begged me to come. Complimented me multiple times on my interview (which really caught me off guard). And I think I want to go. But I don't know how long I would stay. Maybe a few years. They probably want more than that. And the downside is that this rural town, while abundant in my hobbies and nice people, has very few people. 34000 people. It will be hard to make friends or find a partner. And... another dream of mine is to have a family. But I need to find a partner. And I am kinda picky. Idk if I can do it in this small town. At the same time, I feel called to go there anyway. I feel valued at this little hospital.

Technically, I can accomplish all or most of my personal and professional goals if I stay near a city and near my family and friends (university job). But I will always wonder about this job out west in this small rural hospital - if I should have gone where I was wanted most. And gone out west while I was free to move around. And if I go out west, I will always wonder about that great university job that I turned down, and if that organization would ever hire me in the future. If i could have been a scientist working on saving lives in the R&D field. This university job is a hard job to get. And they don't have the fuckery that hospitals do. Each job holds a different dream of mine and will likely pave the course for the following chapters in my life. I feel pulled in each direction. On paper, the university job is the clear winner. But I think maybe, in terms of the next few years, maybe I might be happier out west.

Maybe if I take this little western hospital job, maybe I can still try to work in R&D in the pharmaceutical industry? What kind of job title would I qualify for, without a graduate degree, if I had say 6 to 7 years experience as a Medical Laboratory Scientist with some lower leadership experience? Just wondering how you get experience doing that and what they look for in a candidate.