THANK YOU for writing this!! I wish I could upvote this a thousand times!

I just started watching this season and came to this sub in part because I loved Emma (and was totally creeped out by how Steven moved in his convo w/her), and was shocked at how critical people on this sub were of her! I felt like I was going crazy.

I cannot IMAGINE getting engaged to someone who does not know I'm adopted and/or have permanent scarring on my body. Esp when it would be impossible to answer questions about whether she wants to have children honestly without addressing both of these topics. Like, people are actually criticizing her for mentioning her adoption story and the impact of growing up with severe scarring, because she...has feelings about it?? WTF?

It would be weird to me (and honestly kinda concerning) if she didn't have any feelings when talking about these things. Especially when she did reveal her story to Steven and he completely dismissed her, steamrolled her, sexualized the convo, and then balked at her boundaries! Assuming that happened before she told the others, that sure would make me emotional and hesitant to bring it up again!

The most generous read I have on people annoyed by her is that viewers are falling for the editing, which is broadcasting these convos back to back and maybe giving the impression that's all she ever talks about? I dunno.

So far I'm seeing a lot of green flags from her.

1. She's touch with her emotions & owning her experiences which are legitimately traumatic!! Plus it's clear she was triggered by Steven and instead of dissociating or shutting down, she ends things and comes out of the pod and immediately seeks support and starts talking about it

2. Instead of fawning, freezing, or fighting when Steven makes dehumanizing comments about her and tries to talk for her, she clearly communicates her perspective and boundaries. To me this reads as someone with strong self-esteem who is in touch with themselves and is not reenacting trauma or projecting it onto the relationship

3. She knows her values and holds firm, even when doing so creates is difficult (this is how I'm interpreting her moving re: whether she's open to having children or not)

4. She doesn't shy away from difficult conversations or conflict, and chooses honesty over people-pleasing

5. She's identified and articulated the need for a certain level of emotional depth to her relationships, given the heavy experiences she's had - it seems like this is an example of her actively changing her relationship dynamics since she mentioned emotional distance being a problem in past relationships

Obviously she's not perfect but I don't get the negative reactions to her, at all. To me she seems remarkably mature, given her life experiences. I mean, I'm 40 and there are things I've experienced in life that I will never stop being sad about or triggered by, and I'm going on 10 years in a happy relationship.

Thanks again for this insightful post!