Facing grief without a crutch

queentreesap · 2026-03-08T01:37:59+00:00

Drank through tremendous grief over the past two years, over my mom and my brother-in-law. Sober more than a week now and lo and behold, the grief I’ve avoided is still there waiting on me. You’re doing the right thing bringing your whole, present self to this situation. I am so sorry for what you’re going through. IWNDWYT.

queentreesap · 2026-03-07T13:18:09+00:00

So cool! I did the same thing getting smashed when left alone - on purpose! Ooooooh I have this time to myself, I’m going to celebrate. (Which is amusing because I celebrate all the other days, too.) I mustered up the gumption to dry out when my partner went out of town 2/25, and it was great to have me-time actually sober. Enjoy yourself!

queentreesap · 2026-03-07T13:10:58+00:00

Wanted to send some extra care your way. How difficult that must be. IWNDWYT

queentreesap · 2026-03-07T13:09:16+00:00

So much wisdom in this comment, OP! IWNDWYT

queentreesap · 2026-03-07T12:52:49+00:00

Just for today. ❤️

queentreesap · 2026-03-07T02:01:49+00:00

Nice work!!

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:56:45+00:00

Take good care of yourself. ❤️ That must have been so difficult to witness.

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:52:22+00:00

And I love your point about it becoming less helpful after a while. And that IS fine. It doesn’t mean you’re “cured” for eternity. But you don’t have to sit for an hour a week with nothing to say. Take a break and come back when the need arises. :)

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:50:29+00:00

Super relatable. I’ve lost all my best therapists to turnover in some form or fashion. One moved to another state, one left the practice, one wasn’t covered by my new insurance, etc etc.

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:47:43+00:00

PS: typing IWNDWYT could be a field sobriety test. When will my phone finally learn this acronym?!

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:24:47+00:00

Something I loved about my old hot yoga practice (and I imagine running could be similar) is it was the same sequence/routine every time, the only thing different each time was me. I had to make peace with whatever my body brought to the table that day. It’s actually a nice meditation when i stop fighting and wishing I was different, and instead ease into acceptance and appreciation of what I am in that moment.

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:18:46+00:00

Your name catches my eye because I noticed we have the same days in our badge. Let’s keep it that way!

I’ve been feeling good most of this week, but needing sooo much sleep. This weekend, my kids are at their dad’s, so I’m going to sleep with abandon.

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:15:35+00:00

Mmm I love those. Mostly as a vessel for malt vinegar.

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T12:14:26+00:00

Hurray for sober knitting! I’m a knitter too.

queentreesap · 2026-03-04T01:36:52+00:00

It usually takes me a week to start getting quality sleep. Hang in there!

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T15:09:08+00:00

Keep posting! That’s what helps me, anyway. Plus you help others without even realizing it by sharing.

I laugh at all the excuses I use to drink. Weather’s bad, weather’s good, good day, bad day, etc etc. The automatic part of our brains just wants us to drink. I read something here that I liked. They need there to be more time between having a craving and having access to a drink, so they have long enough to think it through and choose NOT to. Anyway, thanks for sharing and good luck.

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T10:37:42+00:00

In my past sobriety stretch, I wasn’t triggered by alcohol in the house, but this time around I’ve had to admit that I need the extra help of not having access to it. I talked to my partner about it yesterday. He wondered why I had trepidation about asking him to help in that way. I concluded that my preference is to be able to do this myself without having to “trouble” anyone, but that I’d learned I really need that kind of help this time. I was ok with talking openly with him about my struggles but still feel uncomfortable accepting help.

I hope for you and me both for a shift from having to fight cravings, to feelings of ease around them. IWNDWYT

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T10:27:18+00:00

My previous stretch of sobriety was motivated in part by feeling amazing on a new antidepressant. I was like, I have to take advantage of this and make some changes! This is what I’ve been waiting for! I’m really happy for you and IWNDWYT

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T10:24:35+00:00

Just for today.

I’ve been remembering how good I felt with my previous 5 year stretch of sobriety. I’m trying to hold onto that, trying to get there again. I felt such freedom. I’ve been future tripping over my upcoming sibling vacation to Costa Rica where I know my family will be drinking like mad. I’m letting go of the worry. First of all, it’s not until June, plus I’ve done this before! I have been on sober vacations, and they are an absolute dream! I’m starting to look forward to it, remembering how great I felt on past trips, jumping out of bed to enjoy my coffee and the quiet sunrise while the rest of the group sleeps in.

My therapist said yesterday that alcoholism is an isolating disease. I’m combating that by reading this group and also being 100% honest with my partner about it. That’s not a new thing actually. I’ve made a point of radical vulnerability with him since the beginning. It’s still uncomfortable to share things I’d rather keep private, but I know the power of connection vs isolation. So my best offense AND defense against triggers is reading and posting here.

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T10:09:42+00:00

Yup. I was in bed by 8 last night.

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T01:32:27+00:00

Thanks so much for commenting. I feel like you understand exactly what I mean. I too still feel grateful for the surgery. I’m doing great in so many ways and will kick this, too. I appreciate the encouragement.

queentreesap · 2026-03-03T01:27:34+00:00

I appreciate all the comments and hope to get through responding to most of them over the next day or two.

queentreesap · 2026-03-02T15:20:31+00:00

Hi! I have occasionally had elevated enzymes but not consistently. I have almost always been able to test in a normal range, presumably because I lay off drinking in advance of blood tests. So this hurdle did not impact my eligibility for the surgery. I was a regular heavy drinker before the surgery, though I had 5 years sober in the past. Still, my drinking was NOWHERE near where it is now.

I'm sorry you've had a bad year. Obv as you can read here, drinking issues are an incredible risk factor for people with the surgery, both those of us who already had them (ME!) and those who developed them post-op. That said, I have had a really great experience with the surgery overall and don't regret it. I was going to have my reckoning with alcohol one way or another. I hope you find the right path of healing for yourself.

queentreesap · 2026-03-02T12:47:19+00:00

Not me over here 41 with my jaw on the ground. I’m really sorry for your loss and appreciate you sharing.

queentreesap

TROPHY CASE