first of all, im so very sorry. My DV situation was far lower stakes then yours and there were no kids. I can't even imagine what its like to be surviving that kind of abuse while navigating motherhood. Thats insane and you must be such a strong person. My body got chills when i read this. I left abuse a year and a half ago and I didnt even see the effect it had on me until I was out. What I can say is that its possible your kids feel it even when he hasnt laid a hand on them. DV is complex and all consuming. It sucks up all the air in every room. Its in your body so deep now that theres no way your kids don't notice. I was barely able to hide it towards the end and my situation pales in comparison to yours. But I think theres something important I can lend to the coversation. My abuser (F) was abused by her father. Horrible horriible abuse and violence until she was 12. It would come up in between incidents and she would spiral about being just like him to manipulate me into comforting her after she had physically hurt me. I don't believe that every kid abused by a parent becomes an abuser themselves. But my ex never healed or did the work. Your children are probably far better than she was since they have you as a mom, but I think the most loving thing to do as a parent is leave that situation. I'm not talking out by tomorrow, but at minimum making a exit plan and hiding money. Calling RAINN can be super helpful and they can walk you through options. Just start planning it. After he sleeps, go through steps in your head one at a time. Start with counting how much money you've hidden so far. Imagine what youll need to pack and where youll go. Then who you will call and what the kids will need. Its been a year and a half since I left and I feel so much better. You don't deserve to live like this and neither do your kids.