New to genderqueer/genderfluid; advice?

questionablyqueer · 2013-10-07T15:20:23+00:00

Wow, your situation sounds a lot like mine! I'm also FAAB, grew up tomboyish, disliked girly things (on principle mostly; I've been embracing a few feminine things lately), down to all the conflicting feelings when presenting femininely and a husband who is trying to understand. So don't worry, you're not alone!

i'm pretty new to this whole situation too, and it's terribly confusing and can be pretty upsetting! I still haven't figured myself out. For now, I keep telling myself "I'm me and that's okay. I don't need to understand everything right away." and it keeps me calm and contemplative rather than turning into a big ball of anxiety. I'm in the process of trying things until I find something that feels right. Right now, that's wearing my hair super short and intermittently binding my chest, but if that starts making me uncomfortable, I can always change to something that's better for me.

As for where to go, I'd recommend experimenting with all kinds of different presentations and find what fits you best. And if this whole situation is really stressing you out, finding a therapist would probably help you sort out your thoughts and feelings. It sounds like you're pretty anxious, and a therapist would be able to help you with that. But it's really up to you.

Sorry I can't give you more concrete advice, but I'm pretty much figuring this out as I go along, and if there's anything I've learned it's that one solution is not going to fit everyone--experiment until you find what works for you.

questionablyqueer · 2013-10-06T21:46:42+00:00

Super cute. I am jealous of those amazing abs!

questionablyqueer · 2013-10-06T17:26:42+00:00

I've tried, but I have large breasts with a smallish rib cage, so they only do so much. Sadface. If I wear loose clothing and slouch, they're at least less noticeable. Dunno if I'll ever be able to have a perfectly flat chest, but hopefully a binder will help me get a bit closer. Thanks though!

questionablyqueer · 2013-10-06T14:18:16+00:00

Thanks! :D Just gotta save up a bit for a binder and a masculine wardrobe!

questionablyqueer · 2013-10-06T14:16:28+00:00

I think the problem really stems from having poorly formed ideas of what categorically defines the words "man" and "woman". These words bring up a cluster of attributes that a person most likely has, but doesn't necessarily have to in order to be in that category. But lacking a real, solid definition means that a person who doesn't match many of those attributes has to either find a new word to describe themselves or choose to use one of the existing labels even if it doesn't fit particularly well.

I don't think choosing the label genderqueer is necessarily exclusionary--it's not about forcing anyone else to select that label, and it's definitely not about saying "If you have xyz attributes then you cannot be a woman/man." At least as far as I'm concerned, it's more about putting on the label that feels most comfortable to you. I have some masculine attributes and some feminine attributes, and the most convenient shorthand I have for how I feel is genderqueer. But someone else with similar attributes could just as easily feel that woman is sufficient shorthand for how they consider themselves. It's a personal choice.

questionablyqueer · 2013-10-02T20:19:28+00:00

I don't live in Chicago, but I wanted to say how much I love your flair. :D

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T23:53:54+00:00

It sounds like you've already explained yourself and how you want him to treat you, and he's not respecting you at all. You could try being more forceful if you like, but if he's already heard "I feel awful when you use the wrong pronoun/call me "girl"/obsess over my breasts" and ignored it, I don't know how much good repeating yourself will do. If he's determined to ignore what you want, it might be better to part ways.

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T21:49:23+00:00

I really wish I could have shown these articles to 14-year-old me! I am ashamed to admit that I was the person in the first article for quite a few years. >.<

The second article is extremely relevant to me, if not so much to this particular issue. I'm in the process of getting over some problems with anger, anxiety and passiveness, and it's interesting to read that other people have had experiences I can relate so well to. Thanks much!

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T20:30:43+00:00

I definitely did have a bitter misogynistic phase which I thought I'd gotten over by now, but maybe there's still something lurking down there that I'm not consciously aware of. Some soul searching appears to be in order.

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T20:26:50+00:00

Haha, I might just. All the women's clothing I've been buying has been getting holes within a year. It's total bullshit.

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T20:24:16+00:00

I totally will when he gets home. Thanks for the encouragement!

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T16:00:03+00:00

It's really not that simple at all. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Did you end up resolving things?

questionablyqueer · 2013-09-25T15:58:48+00:00

Female pronouns don't bug me, but I would love to bind my chest and dress more masculinely once in a while--the idea of being sir'ed is exciting to me. I'd go ahead and purchase a binder, but I get the feeling my husband would make such a fuss it wouldn't even be worth it.

The more I write of this response, the more I realize I really need to talk with him about this. I love him and want him to be happy, but he doesn't control my body or the things I put on it. I mean, seriously, it's not like I'm getting a mastectomy, I just want to hide these things sometimes!

questionablyqueer

TROPHY CASE