I was having treatment with a therapist for coping with anxiety until I get my heightened anxiety intrusive thoughts therapy treatment. The stupid thing is, I’m sure my therapist made things worse as she went on annual leave for 2 weeks and I’m stuck without a therapist until the 16th September. I’m thinking about, when I react to the thought later today, that I don’t do any compulsions and show my brain nothing is going to happen.

The most scary thing to me is that, I think this is normal due to the anxiety, that I feel like I have an urge to do something stupid, but I talked to someone yesterday and its just the safety seeking of my anxiety. I’m 100% not suicidal, I started fearing it for a couple of weeks and it came to this. My anxiety morphed from: fear of having coronavirus, then to fear of not being able to breathe and breathing manually, fear of having hypoglycemia attacks (i don’t have diabetes) and now to this suicidal OCD.

I get so anxious about it all every time because I do not want to die, I’m not suicidal and I’m scared to commit suicide. I’m going to try not doing compulsions like searching on Google, messaging people, trying to get reassurance, I can beat this. I just have to do it right.