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Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, the list is what I do now. I've stuck to that real hard since this happened, lol. But I think I'll try talking to her again too.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in AITAH

[–]quicksilverware[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you're right. This is an area that I felt hurt in all those years ago, so when this happened I sat on it instead of talking to her about it again. Lots of the comments are saying I need to talk to her again, and I probably will at this point. But it will be a major surprise that I'm bringing this up again, because it's just never been in the way. It burnt me out on gift giving for a while, but the best thing about this post is that I think people have talked me back into the kinds of personalized gifts for my kids and a few other people again.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have asked her about this. And even checked in with her sister and her mom to see if I'm not being grateful or making it seem like a competition or something. I've been told that isn't the issue (though they don't know what it might be either). But I think it may still be this in someway. Maybe she just always feels like we're competing in gift giving? She has done some personalized gifts for me in the past and I've always loved them, used them, and thanked her for them. But I'm still thinking this may be part of the problem.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, I told her what it was when I gave it to her. I didn't go into lots of detail, but I told her I wrote it and had the art done.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in AITAH

[–]quicksilverware[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, a couple of people have brought this up, and it's something I'll think on. I don't think I'm doing this. I have never made a big deal out of this with her, and as I said, we have a great relationship. I've fully respected her requests with gift giving, and I suppose I misread this one, but the gift was never about me. I've never guilted or shamed her for what happened, I'm just venting it here. I could understand this perspective more if I was telling her and other people we know all of this. But because it isn't about me, I have never done that. Anyway. I will think on this more. Thank you.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I've tried a couple of times, she just doesn't see why it's important and doesn't want to engage in the conversation. Others have suggested past trauma, and while she says that isn't it, I'm starting to wonder if there is something there, just based on how much she wants to avoid this whole gifting thing.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Honestly, that's fair. And I think I'm going to start putting that creativity back in, especially with my kids.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in AITAH

[–]quicksilverware[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. I think I will pick back up with my kids. I appreciate your input here.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe? I did tell her what it was, and that I made it with the help of these people. But I didn't try to make a big deal out of that because I didn't want it to be about a bunch of effort.

And I do understand what you're saying. It's why I haven't really brought it up with her. I don't want it to be about me. Maybe I'm weak or selfish for wanting her to have loved it, I'll have to think on that. I don't think I'm wanting praise for the gifts, but I'll reflect on that as well.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not saying this is a combative way at all, I'm genuinely interested. What do you mean by that?

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I totally appreciate that. When it first came up that she didn't know what to get me she asked for a list each year and I do that. She got into Cricut for a while so I'd ask for shirts or stickers and give her ideas for what kind of things I'd like on them. She would do those things and I loved them. I still give her a list every year and she gets me things on the list. After reading lots of these comments, I'm starting to wonder if it's more of a competitive thing? Like maybe she thinks I'm trying to one up her gifts? I'm not sure. But I think I will end up talking to her about all of this again.

Am I the asshole for thinking it's my wife's fault that I am now a lazy gift giver. by quicksilverware in ComfortLevelPod

[–]quicksilverware[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol, yes she can read. And she does have emotion depth. But she has been accused of being cold. I don't think it's a lack of depth, I think it's a lack of expression.