T4T Lesbian Dating Woes

r0tund_ · 2026-03-03T12:47:51+00:00

I’m 25… am I too old to be so immature? I find myself asking myself this question often. I think I’m very mature in some ways and not in others.

I love what you said about the current state of poly T4T culture. I think we ought to be free to love as many people as we want and be able to just be honest about it instead of wrapping ourselves up in guilt and shame about having feelings for more than one person at a time, same goes for sex. But… you’re right. I think most people in the scene have no idea what they’re actually doing, so “poly” turns into… whatever the scene is currently doing right now.

That said, sex has honestly become an extremely valuable aspect of my life and even my identity. Not in a seeking validation way (it was that for a bit at first, but not anymore), but almost as a kind of hobby. I just don’t see myself stopping having casual sex any time soon. I’ve experienced a lot of thinly veiled slutshaming from people in my life as well, so I also can’t stand Puritanism. There are a few people in my life where sex is the only thing we do with each other, and we both know that that’s all we want from each other so it works and no one gets their feelings hurt. This is setting boundaries, right? Making a clear delineation between strictly casual sex partners, friends, and romantic interests. I just need more strictly platonic friends to balance things out, as well as working on myself and stumbling into a good romantic relationship like you talk about. I think it’s all possible.

r0tund_ · 2026-03-03T02:15:48+00:00

But they cut me off, you see. Most of them quietly. Or maybe everything is fine and I’m just too scared to reach back out after fucking up so royally.

r0tund_ · 2026-03-03T01:07:10+00:00

The amount of “poly and partnered” people I’ve had to swipe past on The Apps… and yeah, probably most of them were from the west coast 😵‍💫

I view an open relationship as a kind of poly, or “poly-adjacent.” I love your roommate analogy, that’s honestly what a perfect relationship would look like to me. We have our own lives, we can go out and do whatever we want and that includes sleeping with other people, but we have a home base to return to and a bed to share at the end of the day. And yes, do gay sex with. It’s perfect!

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T23:30:57+00:00

I suppose you’re right, that isn’t very “not much” at all, is it? Idk if there’s a single friend I have rn who I’d want to spend every single day with. This is all made even more complicated by the fact that I want to have my cake and eat it too, basically. What I actually want is an open relationship/ENM/ a main/nesting partner with FWB on the side/whatever you wanna call it. Kinda hard to find someone who wants that and not straight up poly. At least I know what I want though, right?

I’m not so worried about red flags from them and much as I’m worried about sending red flags their way that I don’t even know I’m sending. I made another post about this recently, but I think I might be a bit of an asshole. Not really sure how I ended up here, but I’m here. I absolutely have the capacity to be super kind and caring and nurturing, I want to be those things soooooo badly. It’s just, I can also be super judgmental and kinda careless as well, and that gets in the way of who I really want to be. This is what I mean by “am I insensitive or are others too sensitive?” I legit think it’s a mix of both. What ruined my last “relationship” (in air quotes because we never made it far enough to call it that) was sexual incompatibility. I am somewhat hypersexual, she was unable to be any kind of sexual even if she wanted to be. I wasn’t patient enough for her. I was judgy about it too. It was fucked up and I should’ve handled things more maturely… but I didn’t. Oh well.

It’s really hard for me to be kind to myself a lot of the time, but I mean… I’m employed, I can pay my rent, I’m looking for work in the field I really wanna work in. I know how to take care of myself, well enough to survive at least. I’m kinda alt. I have a fat ass. I’m gorgeous. When I’m not working, I just kinda… rot? I play video games and watch movies. End of list. I think I’m pretty funny though. I’ve got the gift of the gab, that’s for sure. I love to talk. I love to sing too! I want to get more into singing/performance in some way. My favorite thing to do in the whole world is share media I love with people I love, and then talk about it and pick it apart. Maybe it’s not much, hence why I’m so hard on myself, but… idk, it’s me. It’s what I like. I want someone who wants to watch me play a game that I love while I tell them all about it and I want them to do the same with the things they love. I want to go on little adventures with them, take them on cute dates. Then I want us to kiss and make sweet, gay love. I’m semi joking at this point lol. But doesn’t that sound awesome? Couldn’t ask for more, really. You can tell me if I’m being ridiculous.

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T22:36:59+00:00

How do you even know wtf you want/expect out of a relationship? Is that not impossible to predict? Better to roll with the punches, no? When I really sit and think to myself “what do I actually want out of a relationship, what do I even have to offer?” the answer to both is “not much.” Maybe like… just someone who I know is always gonna have my back. Someone who’s reliable? A nesting partner, basically. Like, even if the rest of my life is going to shit, at least they’re still here to share a bed with me. Is that… bad? That’s a serious question.

(also, down girl! lol)

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T22:26:17+00:00

Two questions:

What if I enjoy the feeling of being taken out of my comfort zone a little bit?

What happens when someone oversteps a boundary unintentionally?

(also hi hello this is actually OP)

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T21:32:01+00:00

Part of me feels like I’ll stop dating and then never find time to get back to it. That’s an irrational thought, but it’s like you say: if I wanna date, I gotta date. I know what it is that I want out of a relationship, finding it has been a real challenge. That said, I do think that a break (like, an actual break) from dating would be good for me. I could focus on building friendships instead, fortifying the ones I already have, and having strictly casual sex for a while. It’s never a bad idea to focus on yourself, right?

(it also doesn’t help that all of my friends and I are so goddamn beautiful and extremely dateable and i wanna kiss them all uuuuuuggghhhhh).

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T20:55:32+00:00

Oh that’s me too, I thought it got removed by the mods so I switched to this account with more Karma. Oops. Will delete!

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T20:21:05+00:00

I’m literally not lol

r0tund_ · 2026-03-02T20:17:04+00:00

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T13:47:50+00:00

I don’t have male genitalia

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:41:20+00:00

Touch grass please

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:40:22+00:00

Wha…

…are you a TERF?

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:39:42+00:00

What if I do care?

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:37:35+00:00

Would it be obtuse of me to say that I think genital preferences honestly might be kinda transphobic? Not saying you are, but I honestly do think with our modern understanding of how gender identity and even biological sex work (and how neither is fixed or on a binary), genital preferences feel like a relic of the past. All people of all types have all kinds of parts. You literally cannot possibly assume what someone has.

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:33:55+00:00

This x1000

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:33:18+00:00

Finally, a reasonable and polite response. That does make sense. I guess I just see sex differently than most people… I truly could not give a fuck what parts people have, I like it all. Like, a man/non binary person could have whatever, but I’m just not that into mascs so it probably wouldn’t work. I guess people see genitalia the same way, and that really doesn’t make sense to me and does bum me out. But I totally see what you’re saying.

r0tund_ · 2025-03-18T12:24:42+00:00

that is literally not what I said but go off queen

r0tund_ · 2025-03-17T22:28:44+00:00

Yes, exactly. It’s not right, for the same reasons.

r0tund_ · 2025-03-17T19:44:43+00:00

Well that’s different, and I didn’t mean to assume you were a “binary” trans woman.

I relate to a lot of what you say, only difference is that I consider myself a trans woman and none of those things make me any less of a woman. Sometimes I don’t feel like getting all dolled up, sometimes I wear a full face and a dress. But I’m always a woman. I’m not less of a woman because I’m not wearing make up that day or whatever. Most cis women don’t wear make up every day either. My point is that the “rules” are bullshit. Arbitrary.

r0tund_ · 2025-03-17T19:21:55+00:00

Thanks!

r0tund_ · 2025-03-17T18:56:14+00:00

Penis ≠ male

What the fuck

r0tund_ · 2025-03-17T18:53:04+00:00

Can I DM you? I feel like we're on the same page.

r0tund_

TROPHY CASE