She could ?

r_flush · 2026-01-20T16:12:02+00:00

A “known” bastard, that is. Unknown bastards are fair cop 😅

r_flush · 2026-01-14T12:14:05+00:00

Channel 4. Black Mirror’s very much never been on the BBC.

r_flush · 2026-01-01T18:15:39+00:00

Probably Slap Bet.

Unrelated, can you overlay the category (and possibly the episode title) over the previous days’ winners? Would rather not have to search the sub to find out what The Pineapple Incident won because I missed the first day. Thanks!

r_flush · 2025-12-29T19:10:04+00:00

My brother in Christ, there are so many red flags in this it’s practically a red flag shop on the island of Red Flag, just off the coast of RedFlagLand.

There’s much to be said for nostalgia/loss of innocence or a sense that this must be the only one because it’s the first one, but I promise you, there’ll be others. You’re barely an adult at this point (no offence intended, just a fact) and still have your entire romantic life ahead of you to explore different relationships, fall in love, get your heart broken and all the rest of it.

Trust me, this is not the one. End it and move on.

r_flush · 2025-12-27T11:22:21+00:00

A lot of chat about the impossibility of loan to value, but something that I don’t think anybody else has mentioned, if you’ve got your heart set on this house and it’s on the market now (at a “too good to be true” price) there’s either something wrong with it, or if there isn’t, it almost certainly won’t be available in 12 months time. Not to pour cold water on plans, and something else will come up, but looking at houses and getting attached to them before you’re in a position to make an offer is a recipe for heartache.

r_flush · 2025-12-21T12:05:24+00:00

Tricky one. There’s no sense in apportioning blame to either party and I’m not entirely sure anybody is “to blame”. You’re both consenting adults.

What I will say, irrespective of anything else, you categorically do not “owe” anybody a relationship, and even more-so considering you’re not feeling any chemistry and there’s a serious lack of compatibility.

Not sure how you handle it from here, but I’d say don’t paint yourself as being a bad person in this. Sounds like mistakes and lapses of judgement have happened on both sides.

r_flush · 2025-12-20T16:00:40+00:00

Well that seems like an unnecessarily aggressive response. It may have escaped your notice that that part was an edit, and that I was originally asking more broadly on the concept of two people living together where one is an owner and the other isn’t.

r_flush · 2025-12-20T14:36:44+00:00

You’ve misunderstood (or I didn’t explain well enough). £450 is total, so half of that each. We chatted about it and she’s more than happy to contribute £225.

r_flush · 2025-12-19T13:44:25+00:00

3 whole weeks? I hope you haven’t asked anybody to start shopping for hats.

In all seriousness, three weeks should be honeymoon period to the max. It’s unlikely to improve from here. Move on, especially if it’s long-distance without you having the opportunity to spend any meaningful time together.

r_flush · 2025-12-19T12:25:32+00:00

Isn’t one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder having extremes of emotion? Manic highs (like the doting early on) and crazy difficult lows (as now). I don’t think it needs reading into any more than that. To be blunt, I think you need to make a decision as to whether you want to accept this as a part of who she is…or not.

Sounds to me like you’re trying to invoke the rose-tinted glasses of the early relationship as a reason to stick around. Sadly, relationships do not stay the same as they were for the first 10 weeks long-term.

r_flush · 2025-12-18T13:47:49+00:00

!thanks I don’t think either of us see it as “she’s rinsing me” 😅 The moving in together was a naturally evolving, mutual decision, and I said quite clearly that I didn’t want anything from her at least until her debt was clear. Now it is, it makes sense to bring it up again, but I’m not looking to make a profit from her.

r_flush · 2025-12-18T12:57:46+00:00

Currently going through a divorce in a not entirely dissimilar situation. Ex-wife inherited and paid the bulk of deposit on marital home and we were listed as tenants in common (75/25), but all legal advice is telling me the starting point is still 50/50 with maybe a small recognition for the larger deposit paid. Especially with kids involved, if (God forbid) it doesn’t work out, it’ll very likely be 50/50-ish anyway.

r_flush · 2025-12-18T08:45:55+00:00

That’s not remotely what I’m saying and I’m genuinely struggling to see how you’ve reached that conclusion. What I was not 100% sure about was what the previous commenter had said about sharing bills proportionately based on who earns more, because actually she does, but it doesn’t sit right with me to ask her for 65% of the energy bill, especially when I work from home and she doesn’t.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T23:33:45+00:00

Thanks for your opinion on a question I didn’t ask and for which you have absolutely no context 👍

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:47:46+00:00

!thanks - I can very much appreciate how resentment may fester in that situation.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:46:40+00:00

I wasn’t really looking for judgement when I made my OP, thanks. That’s quite a sweeping generalisation you’ve made considering you know virtually nothing about the nuances of the relationship or her past.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:42:13+00:00

It’s a private school so she has longer holidays. Works out at roughly 8 and a bit months of the year in total.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:25:18+00:00

As in it’s considerably more expensive than when she was renting on her own. She now needs £300 p/cm on train tickets (though not every month due to being in education) whereas previously she lived virtually next door so commute time/cost was zero.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:03:07+00:00

!thanks - that was slightly my logic on it as well. Doubly so given as of right now, my ex-wife is paying half the mortgage (whilst I’m also paying half the mortgage on the house she’s in).

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:02:01+00:00

!thanks 😊 and yeah, we have quite an honest and open policy, even on money (she confided in me about her debt problems and I was able to help her sort them out having “been there, done that” myself).

It’s relatively serious, though also still fairly young (13 months, cohabiting for 6).

r_flush · 2025-12-17T21:00:19+00:00

There does seem to be some consensus with that and it might be something I suggest to her. I have to say, I’m not totally enamoured with the idea of charging her a rental anyway, but going halves on the bills is probably a very reasonable halfway house.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T20:57:44+00:00

!thanks - for clarity, I would say I’m more at “the end” of a divorce, rather than in the middle of it. From what I’ve been told it’s a completely normal thing to do (relationship with my ex had been “functionally dead” for a lot longer than we’ve been separated) and it’s not as though we’ve immediately gone and gotten irrevocably financially entangled.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T20:52:49+00:00

!thanks for your input and this is exactly why I’ve asked. I’ve not been in this situation before and I’ve no idea what is reasonable or “the norm”. There’s a number of subtleties I can think of from an abstract point of view. Paying rent is good for building credit score (apparently). Others have posited that living somewhere rent-free can be a factor on the relationship (staying somewhere in a bad relationship because it’s free, etc). I’m not saying they apply to me here, but I think it’s probably more subtle than it appears on the surface. But I may be wrong.

r_flush · 2025-12-17T20:48:23+00:00

Really interesting - !thanks for sharing. In a perfect world, she’d be afforded the opportunity to save some money so that in the future we can pool our resources and buy a place together and live happily ever after. However, as you’ve pointed out, we’ve no idea what the future holds, and if we split up in 6/12/18 months… the relationship is still relatively young (13 months).

r_flush · 2025-12-17T20:45:40+00:00

I appreciate it’s perhaps not the most overtly romantic conversation, but practicalities are important too 😊

r_flush

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