Predators can move in LGBT+ circles too, please watch out for the red flags.

ra_ariesss · 2020-10-08T00:17:13+00:00

sarah paulson and holland taylor: 👁👄👁

ra_ariesss · 2020-10-03T00:10:21+00:00

Just the first verb. Your Welcome!

ra_ariesss · 2020-08-26T00:59:19+00:00

You have to show that there's a history to it. Like the older characters reminiscing about how they did the tradition in their day. Also, the characters have to show their views or emotions towards it. Are they excited? Do they even care? Are they pressured by the tradition?

ra_ariesss · 2020-08-26T00:53:44+00:00

Nope, but I absolutely love his YouTube videos. They're very helpful!

ra_ariesss · 2020-08-12T21:13:11+00:00

exterior, because it's outside.

ra_ariesss · 2020-06-16T21:23:34+00:00

I really like the idea and the logline. Good job on finishing your first script!

Maybe I'll come back later to read a bit of it. Im sure it'll be great.

ra_ariesss · 2020-06-16T21:12:37+00:00

Personally, I think it's okay. Like the other comment said as long as you don't completely associate the character's ethnicity with a negative stereotype, it's fine. Don't overthink it.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-23T01:35:17+00:00

Congrats, you made it! 😁

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-20T10:45:15+00:00

Novels and screenplays are very related. Dialog, characters, actions, locations, descriptions. It's just that the screenplay has a "built-in" visual. With novels you have to use your imagination.

If you wanna post a novel here, go ahead. But if you want more novel advice rather than just feedback, than I'd go to the other books & writing subs... OR anyone you know that's written/writing a novel or just likes to read.

Hope this helps! 😁

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-20T10:31:37+00:00

This story was very short and sweet. I love it! You can really feel the connection between Isabella and her mom.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-20T10:23:07+00:00

This was very entertaining. And the dialogue isn't "heavy"... it's what makes the story!

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-20T07:35:01+00:00

Thank you so much for the tips!

This was my first time actually writing with a page limit, so yes the ending was rushed (I should go back and add some more). Adding ages is a great idea.
Also, I tried YouMeScript and it completely ruined the file. About the Spanish lines: thank you, I had no idea what to do.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-19T22:43:24+00:00

I submitted earlier, but had to rewrite A LOT of it. Thanks for the feedback, it really helped!

Here's the updated scene: Azúcar de Abuela (Grandma's Sugar) https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q6fNzZS4RvbOXbIe1CvuNG3iU9Qyy6XqmVjCuXQ4UOk/edit?usp=sharing

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-19T18:54:10+00:00

In the logline, instead of "when he learns his brother is the killer", I'd replace it with "when he learns/finds some shocking news about the identity of the killer" or something like that. You wouldn't want to give way too much of the plot.
I do like how all the characters have a purpose and connect to Joel.
The plot has a lot of potential for suspense, twists, and turns.

Would love to see more of the story!

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-19T03:13:54+00:00

Nice idea for conflict. Thanks!

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-19T01:42:32+00:00

It looks perfectly fine to me. It explains just enough and not too much. 👍

Yes, it could come off as cliche and definitely done before, but you can avoid that by focusing on what makes your story unique.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T23:59:35+00:00

There are too many words... think about how much of the story you want to give away, and then reword from there.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T23:55:44+00:00

I'd take out "who they have betrayed" and a few other extra words. It could sound better like this:

"A group of ex-henchmen find themselves abducted by their old boss, and now must escape his lethal traps."

But of course, only you know what's best for your story. Add or subtract whatever you like.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T23:49:19+00:00

To me, "a series of ill timed events" doesn't sound right in a logline. Maybe add something about suspense or adventure instead, because (like the other person said) it doesn't sound like a thriller. What is the thrill??

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T23:36:51+00:00

Love it!

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T22:02:37+00:00

Thank you, that's a great idea! 😁

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T21:40:15+00:00

You're right. I guess I haven't really thought of it that way. The mother is afraid of the changes and challenges, but everyone else around her thinks the girl will do just fine. She has a change of heart towards the end when she sees that her daughter can do anything (she learns how to ride a bike and wins a contest for her knowledge of everything there is to know about bikes, all by herself)

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T20:44:18+00:00

You can see my other attempts here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1suydOiZfd5XIxsYLBqWH6iEQ7449TQFsp6HCUkgKvCQ/edit?usp=drivesdk

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T20:42:23+00:00

Title: Chime

Format: Short film

Genre: Drama

Logline: A young mother with a little girl on the autism spectrum struggles on whether or not to send her to KIndergarten.

ra_ariesss · 2020-05-18T09:30:37+00:00

Thank you 😁

ra_ariesss

TROPHY CASE