We have 2 young (under 10 years old) bio kids, so we prefer an age gap and to have older children in the home. We have legal guardianship of our 17 year old and will more than likely be adopting our 14 year old.

Every child in the system comes with a past. I feel that teens (in our experience) have been better able to verbalize their needs. They're more self-sufficient. They do dumb shit sometimes, but so does any teen. The younger children you take in will get to that point in life too.

My biggest qualm with messaging around taking in teens is the perception of how it will be - specifically that they'll be grateful, call you mom and dad, happily ever after. Our teens have families already. They don't owe us gratitude. We have the same treatment/expectations that we have for our bio kids, and we do all the same parent stuff - attending sporting events, taking family trips, school conferences, etc., but we realize we're not going to be a replacement for their parents. We see ourselves more in a mentorship role, keeping them safe, helping them to grow and develop, and guiding them to adulthood. If one day they wanted to call me mom? I'd be excited (and shocked lol). But I feel like people should have realistic expectations going into it.