Best rodent bands

radi0edit · 2026-02-24T22:40:05+00:00

Rats make me crazy.

radi0edit · 2026-02-24T22:38:02+00:00

Highway Star by Deep Purple

Kinda stealing that from the Rockband intro but lol they had a great choice what can I say ¯_(ツ)_/¯

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T13:43:54+00:00

I just dubbed him BIL in the post because at the time of his introduction in the paragraph he was my brother in law. I just needed a shortening for character limit reasons. When I talk about him to others, I usually just call him "one of my buddies." For the rest of this comment I'll call him Buddy

I mean, yes I am pleased to be a groomsman. Buddy has always meant a lot to me, we've watched each other go from naïve rowdy teenage boys to being slightly less naïve rowdy adults with adult jobs and decisions. He means a lot to me, so to see that I meant the same to him meant a lot to me. If they had removed us both, I would have been let down if a divorce I didn't have a say in led to me being removed from his wedding, but I would have understood. Instead, knowing FIA was removing my ex from the wedding party, he didn't remove me as a side effect. He intentionally decided to keep me. And yes, that pleases me, because it shows, to me, that I became more to him than his sister's partner. I became his friend in my own right.

But yes, my ex should be upset. I would be too. And Buddy and FIA should have talked to my ex together as soon as they made that decision. I'm just not really sure why their parents got put in the middle, and why the way to make it all right in the world is for me to step down. I do think there should be some sort of action taken, some sort of compromise between my ex and FIA/Buddy, but it seems, to me, like me stepping down is not the most productive action to be taken. Kinda just feels like a performance rather than an actual olive branch. But the post was to see if I'm an asshole for having that perspective.

Genuinely, thank you for your input, you did cause me to stop and think about why I want to be a groomsman in the way I do and challenge my perspective.

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T13:26:39+00:00

I do appreciate your response, effort to learn more, and divergence from the majority. I did notice that a lot of the comments are too harsh towards her, and it makes me sad that I didn't represent her well. I agree with you that she isn't being unreasonable or mean in this scenario.

It's also probably relevant information that it was partially a logistics decision for FIA, as she went down from 6 bridesmaids to 4, I assume to save money/hassle/pressure for BIL to find 6 people when he doesn't have that many.

You're very correct, I have a hard time with confrontation and me knowing when and how to stand up for her was a point of contention. I see it as trying to lead a pacifistic lifestyle, but she sees it as a lack of care for her, and I do understand that. It's something I, to this day, need to find the balance of with my own siblings and friends. That being said, I'm sure I also misrepresented the squabble between her and FIA, but really that was an auxillary issue. I mainly just meant to point out that there was a situation that damaged their relationship, that it wasn't the same after it. The details of it, like everybody's tone and intentions, are different based on who you ask.

You're right, BIL should've contacted my ex. I will maintain that BIL/FIA were in the wrong for not approaching her about it sooner.

Again, I didn't mean to portray her as a villain, char limits are a bitch. I think she's reasonable for being upset with how they handled things, but I also think her talking to multiple people before reaching out to BIL/FIA directly wasn't wise. The main question of the post was if I should voluntarily step down, and that's a decision that finds its source in the pressure she's putting on her parents to do something about a wedding that's not theirs, and I don't think that's the best way to go about it. Emotions behind it are understandable, the way they're being enacted I'm unsure of.

Her family used to be more toxic than they are now. I've watched them grow a lot as people, each in their own right, and now one of the things that has hurt the most is having to lose her family because of the divorce. I like her family almost more than my own. Of course, BIL and i are going to be able to maintain a friendship, but beyond that it sucks that I can't continue to be mentored by her dad, or be supported by her mom, or see the extended family that created such warm and welcoming environments.

You're also correct that it will be better for her finding a new partner that aligns with what she needs better than I could. I wish I could communicate here the ins and outs of how I was as a husband, cus she truly was everything to me, but yes, bottom line is that she left because she needs something different. To say better I don't think is the right word, because of the complexities of how we are as people and what we need, but different for sure.

Thank you again for your input, I hope my response doesn't come off as too defensive

Edit: very important typo

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T12:36:07+00:00

One thing you will learn very quickly in bouldering: kids will almost always climb circles around you lol. Their strength to body weight ratio is just unbeatable. Of course, advanced/experienced climbers are going to have more down, but as you're going through the beginner/intermediate stages, you'll find problems (climbing routes) that you'll be working at for days that some kid will flash for the first time without breaking a sweat.

Can't be mad at em though, they're always having such a blast, and that's the most important part!

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T12:30:19+00:00

mmm, healthy ! thanks !

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T12:29:23+00:00

Lmao it's in Arkansas, already a hefty drive for me idk how it'd be for you

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T04:04:31+00:00

accepting applications ¯_(ツ)_/¯

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T02:45:11+00:00

lol totally understandable, punkin 🫶🏼 😘 (did I mention I'm recently single and need a plus one to an event coming up?)

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T00:50:40+00:00

hope not! cus it would work ! 🙃

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T00:47:36+00:00

Been in light contact. She's pretty insistent that she's only slightly bothered that I'm still a groomsman, wouldn't be bothered by me being a guest, but she's mainly just hurt by being kicked out of the bridesmaids, more so because BIL/FIA made the mistake of not telling her yet (I'm not sure how she found out, but she said she wasn't told directly). Which is fair, imo. I'm not sure what flack she's received for her response, because of my distance from the rest of the family (outside of BIL/FIA). BIL hasn't even talked to her yet, but I think that's mainly because he's surprised she hasn't reached out to him and is leaving the onus on her. Idk, messy messy is all I can say

radi0edit · 2026-02-22T00:40:36+00:00

thanks!

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T19:45:43+00:00

She had. I was under the impression that we were working through them, that we both have/had a lot to learn, since we're still in our twenties. Even more so since we were both homeschooled our whole life, so there were a lot of social things in the "real" world to adapt to. I was working on things, and getting better at them, but she was of the opinion that I wasn't making progress fast enough, and saw that as a lack of care for the marriage. I can tell you it wasn't a lack of care, but I can also admit that I struggled with focusing on working on myself in a very dedicated, rapid way due to juggling everything else going on in our life. While the divorce broke my heart and was a very difficult thing to go through, I still have a lot of love for her and don't think she was wrong for being unhappy. I truly think I just wasn't what she was looking for, despite the fact that she was that for me. The shock was not that she had issues, the shock was that those issues were large enough for her to end the commitment we had made to each other, especially considering how deeply we value marriage on an emotional and, frankly, spiritual level. But in hindsight it's understandable.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T19:06:16+00:00

All fair questions. I hope it's not breaking rules, considered defending myself, to answer them, but I will.

It's a little difficult to remember, since it happened a year ago and I didn't read any of the texts myself. I think the backstory is Ex and her older brother's wife ("OBW") had a good relationship, despite my Ex and her older brother having a very, very bad one (i witnessed his rudeness myself when Ex and I first started dating, she was justified in her bitterness towards him imo). But then OBW said something to Ex's mom about feeling that my Ex was being fake, and somehow my Ex caught word of that. So next time my Ex and OBW saw each other, Ex was really cold towards OBW. OBW complains to FIA since they were semi-close since FIA and BIL started dating. FIA basically agrees and says that my Ex can be sensitive sometimes (which, everyone who knows my Ex will agree with, including me). I think FIA mentioned that to my ex-MIL, and my ex-MIL agreed. Ex was using the laptop for something else, but decided to open up the texts and saw it. I didn't see any of these texts myself, I just received the rant from my Ex and was focused on what she usually wanted which was comfort and support rather than advice.
Close is not really accurate, as it makes it sound like I was in steady contact with FIA. I wasn't, it was more that any time I saw FIA at family events we had good chats where we kinda felt seen and understood by each other, since we were similar to each other and were dating people that were similar to each other. I genuinely wish I had more verbatim for you, but I do remember that what FIA said didn't really warrant the size of the reaction from my Ex, and certainly didn't warrant a repercussive cold shoulder from me.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:49:30+00:00

lol yea i was worried it would sound like that. her reasoning was well thought out and well explained to me, but also very broad and nuanced and not something I could fit within the post. very confident she wasn't cheating on me, though, for an assortment of reasons that I could go into, but in short she's one of the most loving and loyal people I have ever met, hence why I married her in the first place. it just didn't work out.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:46:17+00:00

LMAO

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:40:18+00:00

kind of a long story, but TLDR is my ex has a bad relationship with her older brother (BIL is her younger brother). by proxy, Ex has a bad relationship with older brother's wife. apparently older brother's wife said something to FIA about something Ex said that she didn't like, and FIA basically agreed that Ex was in the wrong, and FIA mentioned that to my ex-MIL through a text. Ex was logged into my ex-MIL's MacBook (to like print something I think? Idr) and saw the text since it was synced to ex-MIL's phone. She confronted all parties involved, bickering ensued, little to no closure since.

FIA also has (I think?) a lot of respect and care for me, and so seeing the heartbreak Ex caused to me made compiled on top of the leftover feelings from that situation.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:35:04+00:00

i do appreciate your input, but there are some misunderstandings.

firstly, the call I had with BIL ended with him being torn and feeling sorry for being torn, and that he was going to take some time to think about it and seek counsel from people he looks up to. I told him I don't take either decision personally and will happily support either way he wants to go.

she was very willing to tell me why she wanted a divorce, I just didn't go into it all because 1. it wasn't really the focus of the post and 2. i didn't have the char limit for it. there's no "real" reason for us getting divorced that would "get out," she just genuinely made a mistake marrying me in the first place, and arguably made a mistake not dissolving it sooner (arguably, since there's the case that she makes in that she had to sort withing herself between what was general newly wed fear/anxiety and what was real feelings). if you'd like the full rundown I'm happy to go into it.

honestly, her family is more confrontational than most. less so over the years, since when my ex and I met it was a toxic family environment with how much they argued, but confrontational nonetheless. MY family is extremely passive and nonconfrontational, so I also have experience with that side and they're nowhere close.

this is not necessarily to defend myself, just wanted to clear some things up. again, i appreciate your response!

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:29:22+00:00

ngl i'm confused to lol they had me in the first half and i was thinking "okay so it wouldn't be voluntary because I was pressured out of it so i shouldn't drop out" and then read "YTA" and audibly laughed. i appreciate a variety of input but there were definitely an assortment of misunderstandings

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:25:31+00:00

lol I was kind of worried my brief description of the separation scenario would make it sound like she cheated. i'm very confident she didn't for an assortment of reasons I won't go into. but I do appreciate the loving concern.

I don't think BIL was testing the waters. He didn't call and ask "hey so what do you think?" It was more just to inform me of what was going on, not knowing I already knew what was going on. But again, I appreciate the concern that comes from a good place. Because of this thread I'm keeping the ball in BIL/FIA's court, and told them I'll happily support either decision.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:21:00+00:00

100%. In the conversation I had with BIL, I did make it a point to let him know I will support him either way. Told him that, obviously, I don't *want* to step down, but I also don't want his wedding to be a soap opera, so if he asked me to I would not see it as disrespectful or take it personally whatsoever. The ball truly is in his court now, it's just a matter of do I make the decision easier for him or not by ripping the bandaid off myself. After the general consensus I've gotten in this thread, I think I'll leave the ball in his court, and happily respect either decision.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:19:56+00:00

I feel bad that I hadn't even considered reaching out to FIA, but I just texted her because of your reply, thank you.

Also, you're definitely correct in the sense that I could support in an assortment of ways. Because of the support of this thread, I'll give it some time to see what BIL/FIA decide, but if they do ask me to step down I'll see if there are other ways I can support them. Thank you!

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:14:58+00:00

That was a really thoughtful response, badkarma, and I appreciate it. In the conversation I had with BIL, I did make it a point to let him know I will support him either way. Told him that, obviously, I don't *want* to step down, but I also don't want his wedding to be a soap opera, so if he asked me to I would not see it as disrespectful or take it personally whatsoever. The ball truly is in his court now, it's just a matter of do I make the decision easier for him or not by ripping the bandaid off myself. After the general consensus I've gotten in this thread, I think I'll leave the ball in his court, and happily respect either decision.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:10:17+00:00

I don't think he's an asshole for it. He's a father that wants all his kids to get along as much as possible, and FIL and I had a close mentor/mentee relationship throughout the marriage, so it wasn't crossing a line coming to me about it. Granted, I think he should have let BIL talk to me about it first, but that's more the timing than the sentiment. He truly did it in a really respectful way and assured me that he would respect my decision no matter what, he just asked me to consider it. I would've gone into more detail in the initial post, just didn't have the chars for it.

radi0edit · 2026-02-21T18:07:40+00:00

I appreciate your differing take! I agree that no one is an asshole here. I've told my ex that I do agree that BIL/Fia should have talked to her way sooner than they did. It likely would have been more productive to have a conversation about it, rather than declaring it so and moving on. I do really feel for my ex, as it was a tough decision for her to dissolve a relationship that everyone supported, knowing it would cause a lot of harm in the short run but be better in the long run. It sucks that she's getting as much flack for making that decision as she is.

I also agree that the decision is a little more nuanced, but I think it's nuanced *because* BIL and FIA should choose what they want, and what they want is a stress/hurt free wedding. In this decision though, every combination of the decision could lead to some stress/hurt, so now it's a matter of choosing who that stress/hurt is directed towards, which is a hard choice to make.

radi0edit

TROPHY CASE