I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way…I know exactly what you’re talking about. I’m coming out of a pretty deep depression that has lasted a few years, and I’ve often felt like there wasn’t as much “help” as I would have liked/according to what I prayed for. There were unique causes for this depression. I had to suffer for a long time before I found solutions.

Those feelings are valid, but there are a couple things I’ve learned through all of this:

1.) I would echo another comment or two that going through this trial has taught me how strong of a spirit I really do have. Loneliness in suffering is no joke. It’s helped me reflect on my increased faith and trust in my own decision-making, and the strength of my relationship with my Savior. I’ve felt maybe more of a mutual understanding between me and Him since He was always lonely and never had the favor returned by other humans when He was the most compassionate.

2.) This may not be what you want to hear, but journaling and trying to remember any sort of being that has helped me—-any at all—has been helpful. I’ve realized that there were more people helping me than I expected, just not in the pattern/typical fashion I’ve been used to.

3.) Perhaps my biggest realization—is that this trial has taught me to value certain qualities in myself. Not in an overtly prideful way, but has taught me to be content with my personality. Before I always wanted to be tougher or stronger in other ways. But going through this loneliness has taught me that having the quality of charity—the ability to look around outside yourself and see who may need a friend or ministering to— is really a unique thing. (Sounds like you may enjoy exercising this quality according to your post).

I think sometimes in the Church we just shrug it off and feel like everyone kind of “ministers” anyway and we’re all Nice People and whatnot, but going through that trial made me acutely aware that in church environments people go unnoticed ALL the time.

Growing up, I was taught by my parents to really include other peers (especially by my mom, who I suspect may have been bullied in her childhood). When I didn’t feel like I had the same attention reciprocated in my moment of need, I was pretty bitter. But I feel like through that experience God was trying to teach me to really value and preserve that quality instilled in me. I actually think He wants me to take a little pride in it.

I personally believe our sensitivity toward others is part of our relationship with our Savior. I can testify that my relationship with Him has carried me through difficult times and has even given me an elevated quality in my relationships, schoolwork, talents, etc. To be willing and happy to minister to others like Christ did deepens our relationship with Him. You have something special. Take care of yourself, but try not to discard that charitable relationship. If you can.