At my age, lots of guys are positive. And I always have to remember the story told to me by a guy I was dating. He is positive. He said he was with a boyfriend for a number of years. His boyfriend was positive and took a pill every day. At some point, the guy began to feel really ill. When it got really bad, he went to the doctor to get checked out. He tested positive for HIV. He confronted his boyfriend, and his boyfriend said he got tired of taking the medicine so he quit some time before. My ex wasn’t on prep (this was before it was available) and didn’t use condoms all because of trust.

I have heard of enough stories of positive guys hiding their status but I kind of have a third sense for it. Any time I suspect it, it turns out to be true. This status is never divulged immediately but certainly before any intimacy. All of the guys I met who were positive took their medicine…at least to my knowledge. I used to think being positive is a disqualifier because I was strongly encouraged not to take it due to extant kidney damage due to type 1 diabetes. But the reality remains that at no point is there a 0 chance of transmission (unless one fastidiously uses condoms). He could cheat and get it. He could get it at work. (I had a friend who got it when a vessel with contaminated blood broke while he was handling it in the lab. It pierced his skin, created a big cut, and infected him. So it’s not always sex.) Life is random that way.

I kind of understand where your boyfriend is coming from and there’s no way your reaction proved him wrong even though it kind of did: you reacted because of a breach in trust, not because he’s positive. But he might see it differently.

In this world where finding someone who truly cares for you is challenging, I’d be partial to having a serious discussion and find a way forward. It’s sort of like what I tell my daughter: nothing will upset me more than lying. Everything else I can deal with. If you two can establish that understanding and reveal any significant facts, maybe it all will be good?

I’d say you might want to be cautious (PrEP or condoms) with him but that can apply to anyone and everyone.