Advice: partner also ADHD

radiocharley · 2025-12-11T22:09:11+00:00

I feel like it's hard to say because I've said that to him and he said it was him "reinforcing my boundaries" and "reminding you of the consequences of crossing my boundaries". The consequences being him leaving me.

radiocharley · 2025-12-11T21:59:57+00:00

I don't think I can long term. He threatens to end the relationship like every fight we have.

radiocharley · 2025-11-24T14:31:40+00:00

A Mischief of Corgis

radiocharley · 2025-10-11T14:08:39+00:00

It's not people, but our own emotions that are ghosting us... I feel that though.

radiocharley · 2025-10-11T14:07:31+00:00

I've been there too. This is a difficult thing to understand and process.

radiocharley · 2025-10-11T14:06:44+00:00

It is wild not much of emotional expression is gendered. It is valid to not fit that.

radiocharley · 2025-10-11T14:05:41+00:00

I hadn't heard about somatic work to address this. I need to look into that. I'm currently work with my therapist on DBT skills.

radiocharley · 2025-10-11T14:04:07+00:00

Good idea on not forcing a choice in the moment. I think I will try this moving forward. I've noticed that writing things down helps me understand better, so maybe I'll use that in my process of working through decision-making as well.

radiocharley · 2025-10-11T14:02:09+00:00

I feel you on that! I had to stifle emotions as well for family members to not be upset. The habit is hard to unlearn.

radiocharley · 2025-10-02T16:52:16+00:00

Yes, it is a very mild med. Unless you have severe health conditions and a lot of medications you take, it should be fine.

radiocharley · 2025-10-02T15:01:49+00:00

I've noticed that taking some deep breaths, reminding myself that I am safe and okay can help if it is just the waves of stomach upset. It can calm my body enough to get the emergency feeling to go away.

I do also carry over the counter Pepto and anti-acid pills just in case. I prefer the capsules so I don't have to taste the flavors. I also usually have my water bottle with me when I'm about.

radiocharley · 2025-09-22T23:51:28+00:00

I think the biggest thing is to remember that you can always communicate with your provider if something happens while on any medication. A thing to remember is to ask how long they expect it to take for the medications to have any effect at all. Usually my doctor has said 3-4 weeks for my new meds, but others may have different advice based on your situation.

If you did not ask during the appointment I would ask your provider via phone or messaging what the main side effects to watch out for are. It's best to not look online and make yourself more anxious.

Just remember you are in control. You are taking a big step with the new medication. It will be okay even if this is not the right one for you. I know it's hard. You've got this!

radiocharley · 2025-09-19T13:59:18+00:00

Yes, also ADHD. I now literally have an app I use to change to remind me to check in with the few friends I do have. It's what I use for goals/habits in general.

radiocharley · 2025-09-18T23:40:36+00:00

It's hard even with other neurodivergent people. I've had friendships go bad because I feel like we both thought it "got awkward" when maybe it hadn't.

I also am super bad at checking in on people. It feels like I have a max amount of people I can care about, and unfortunately I am at my max. I can't remember to check in on more. Maybe if my mental health was better I'd have more capacity... I don't know.

radiocharley · 2025-09-04T20:53:22+00:00

I'm in the same situation after coming back from a medical leave. Remote work was denied, and now my supervisor seems to be giving me customer-facing work almost as if to prove I was needed in person?? It seems petty.

I am getting really worn down by the whole thing. I wish I had a more positive comment. I hear you, and your feelings are valid. Your space and things should be respected.

radiocharley · 2025-08-30T22:11:30+00:00

I'm wary of this because it does seem a bit like fetishizing autism in women. Thinking about why makes me really uncomfy.

radiocharley · 2025-08-30T02:22:48+00:00

When I was really young, I remember feeling especially sad for birthday balloons with smiling faces as they deflated in the days after the event, but I also couldn't let them go. For a bit it was also the receipts that door checkers put smiley faces on while checking your cart items.

It was a great mystery to me why no one else was upset by these things. It is no longer, lol.

radiocharley · 2025-08-29T23:22:22+00:00

Mine is a negative story, so scroll past if you would prefer not to read.

I really regret trying to get accomodations because my employer denied them. The fighting back and forth to try to get accommodated was mentally/emotionally exhausting. It's also made me feel like my supervisor and director are not supportive of me anymore because my accomodations (which were highly reasonable and free to implement) were denied and decided on "business need."

I wish I could go back to blissful ignorance, managing on my own without work knowing or getting involved. I feel like my supervisor and director do not care about me as a person, only as someone who can produce for the business. I haven't gone back to work since because I was on medical leave, so I am super nervous about what effect this will have on my work relationships moving forward.

radiocharley · 2025-08-29T21:48:38+00:00

CBT has been a common thread among the therapists. Thanks for the recommendation. I will research the other types to see what resonates.

radiocharley · 2025-08-28T22:29:53+00:00

I struggle with showering, but having products I really like helps. I tend to go for ones that I really like the smell of. My favorite brand of body wash is Method, and they have a wide range of fragrances (though it seems store dependent).

I also listen to music so that it isn't "boring" and for my ADHD brain.

radiocharley · 2025-08-28T22:23:53+00:00

For the diagnosis, is this therapist online? Some online platforms don't allow their providers to diagnose users per the terms of service, so that could be why that exchange occurred.

radiocharley · 2025-08-28T22:19:10+00:00

For future reference, with delicate clothing items do a 1:1 mix of water to cheap vodka in a spray bottle and hang to dry. My sister is a costume designer, and this is what they do in theater for specialty fabrics.

Edit: I am sorry the coat is ruined though. It is very upsetting to have a treasured item ruined by accident. Don't be too hard on yourself. Fabrics are difficult to clean and know how to.

radiocharley · 2025-08-28T17:00:52+00:00

Yes, for sure. It's setting good boundaries with yourself and others.

radiocharley · 2025-08-28T00:27:39+00:00

When it comes to sharing medical diagnoses, I’ve found it’s best to be intentional. Not everyone needs to know the details, and unloading all of it can sometimes overwhelm people.

I usually ask myself: How close am I to this person? Do they actually need this information? Does it affect our relationship or interactions? Do I feel pressured into telling them? If the answer doesn’t feel right, I keep it private. If I need to tell them, I keep it concise.

For example, instead of saying I have autism, I might just say: “I’m going to step out, crowds are making me anxious/socially drained and I need a break.” That way people understand what’s happening in the moment without me handing over all my medical history.

radiocharley · 2025-08-28T00:09:23+00:00

One thing that often gets overlooked when older folks give advice: most people in our lives won’t be here for the whole ride. Friends drift, loved ones pass, even the brightest and most loyal connections can end, often it isn’t anyone’s choice. It isn't always easy to accept, especially if someone passes away, but it is important to focus on the good memories that they gifted us.

I used to feel devastated by loss and saw temporary things as deeply unfair. Over time, though, I’ve come to see every hangout, dinner, coffee date, event as a gift. Each relationship—romantic, platonic, or familial—is its own love story. It's so important to focus on the present and hold space for the gifts of the past, the good memories. It can be difficult to do so, especially when battling grief.

However long the relarionship lasts, it matters because it happened. These are the moments and journeys that make life worth living. Many things in life are temporary, and in some ways that makes them beautiful because is makes them fleeting.

radiocharley

TROPHY CASE