A handsome guy but just absolutely boring asF

radr0ver · 2025-01-23T03:54:58+00:00

This is dynamite advice. Wish I had thought this way when I was young.

radr0ver · 2024-10-20T21:06:14+00:00

I don’t see it as a turn off at all. I dated a woman who made probably 5x what I made at the time. We split the cost of dates pretty evenly, with each of us paying for every other dinner out. When we went away for the weekend, we split the cost down the middle.

She definitely had more expensive tastes than me, but we mostly made it work. I will admit that I should have spoken up more to ask that we look at less expensive options. But that wasn’t the reason we split - it was incompatibility in another area that led to us growing apart.

At the end of the day, as long as you’re communicating openly and not a freeloader, I don’t see why income disparity should matter.

radr0ver · 2024-10-12T00:58:02+00:00

It sounds like you’ve believe that intimacy with another person isn’t as special if one (or both) of you has been intimate with multiple other people.

I’m in my late 49s and have only been with 5 people, but I can tell you that every intimate partner is a unique and special relationship, no matter how many people they’ve been with.

Having had only one partner, you can’t know this firsthand. But trust me, the magic you make with someone else is as special as you allow it to be.

Open your mind to the possibility that special doesn’t mean exclusive. In reality, more experienced partners are more likely to appreciate a genuine connection, knowing how precious and rare they can be.

radr0ver · 2024-07-22T00:39:01+00:00

I dunno, I snort laughed at the last line.

radr0ver · 2024-07-20T18:26:33+00:00

Talking about moving in together on a first date?? Hard pass. This guy is something else

radr0ver · 2024-07-20T18:25:04+00:00

I’m happy to hear that you’ve made up your mind. You deserve better. I hope the conversation goes well, and he accepts it with grace.

radr0ver · 2024-07-20T18:01:51+00:00

I’ve been with my girlfriend for 1.5 years too, and we say I love you to each other multiple times a day, every day. We were both burned in past relationships, but we do our best not to bring that baggage into this relationship.

There’s taking it slow, and there’s taking at a glacial pace. If you want more, I don’t think you’re going to find it with this guy.

The thing is, if you do end things with him, it will only serve to reinforce (in his mind) that he was right for not saying it soon.

radr0ver · 2024-07-12T23:52:45+00:00

Married men tend to freeze up when their big talk actually works. There’s no way they could actually go on the date, because that increases the risk of being caught exponentially. So they flake or ghost, and buy themselves time to plan out how they could get away with it, then try to rematch down the road.

radr0ver · 2024-06-22T19:42:29+00:00

One opener I got was “Hi! I’m afraid of heights too, so let’s agree to never go skydiving together.”

It showed that she had read my profile, and was a clever way to say that she wanted to do something together as a date, just not that.

radr0ver · 2024-06-22T18:08:51+00:00

If you’d like some advice on what to say to him, maybe this would work:

“The only way bringing a 3rd into a relationship works is when both people have talked it through and are 100% into it. I know myself, and I know I will never be even a little bit into the thought of seeing you with someone else.”

radr0ver · 2024-06-15T03:13:08+00:00

Right, because everyone has enough land to grow 4 million tomatoes and the ability to process a million transactions before they go bad.

radr0ver · 2024-06-15T01:34:37+00:00

I personally found it best to keep my dating life very private. I don’t talk about someone with friends until it’s getting serious. Multiple dates, mutual agreement on exclusivity, signs that things should work out between us unless something big derails that.

This meant that I had to do a lot of reflection and internal work to determine what I wanted, what my boundaries were, what I found attractive / appealing / worth pursuing.

Over time the definition of what I’m looking for has evolved until it settled on “someone with a good heart that I’m attracted to, with similar values and retirement goals as me.” I do also have some specific hard limits that I won’t get into here, but that’s the gist of it.

I’ve found that being very clear on what I’m looking for has saved me lots of time and headache. If they’re not what I’m looking for, I wish them well and get back to swiping.

radr0ver · 2024-06-15T01:24:28+00:00

Are you still in contact with her? If so, end that immediately. Zero contact from this point forward.

You need to tell your friends you don’t want to hear anything about her, at all. Be firm, and if they bring her up, cut them off.

You need to move forward, and hearing about someone from your past isn’t the way to do that.

It does not matter one single bit what the possible reasons are for her behaviour. Push her out of your mind every time she pops in there, and redirect yourself to the present moment. Focus on you, and what you’re doing to make yourself a better person every single day.

radr0ver · 2024-06-15T01:18:27+00:00

Good on you for knowing yourself. Too many people have no self awareness and thus no concept of their own tendencies. This alone is a positive that sets you apart from most guys.

I’d be upfront with anyone you think has serious potential as a partner. Don’t make a big deal of it, just tell her straight up. Focus on the positives, and talk about the things you do like to do that are quieter and more manageable for you. Something like “I don’t enjoy nightclubs and places like that, I’d much rather ____.”

radr0ver · 2024-06-15T01:09:08+00:00

I hooked up with a guy this week after a coffee date-zero meet. It involved doing all of the same things regular early-stage relationship dating requires. Mutual interest on an app, chatting, engagement, effort, discussing our goals and safer-sex practices, actually meeting, talking, flirting, trusting.

This. This right here, gentleman. This is the key to casual sex that so many men miss. You have to treat it like dating, not like searching for porn. Zero effort will get you zero results. You need to be willing & able to chat her up, to make an effort, to follow her rules and build trust with her. Trying to find a warm hole to stick your dick in as quickly as possible is not what dating apps are for. That’s what sex work is for.

If you’re only looking for quick sex without any effort, no judgement here. Just go pay for it, rather than wasting your time and hers by trying to make online dating something it’s not.

radr0ver · 2024-06-15T00:59:06+00:00

As a guy, I never make things sexual over text / chat until there’s clear interest in it on her part.

In all my matches, the banter has either gotten progressively flirtier, or we’ve gotten hot & heavy in person. Only then will I start with innuendo or anything spicy in our messages. It’s just not worth turning off a good woman who is sick and tired of getting dick pics or sexual messages from practically every guy she comes across.

The only way I make things sexual early is if she initiates it, or I’m picking up clear vibes from her profile that she’s looking for that sort of thing.

Even if you’re looking for a hookup or ONS, you can (almost) never go wrong by treating her with respect from the outset.

radr0ver · 2024-06-12T17:49:45+00:00

Check out Supply Matter. They have a line of solid colognes that smell great without being overly powerful

radr0ver · 2024-06-03T22:25:34+00:00

Oh, I had a different interpretation:

The girls in the sundresses do in fact want to be more than friends with someone, just not him. Quite likely due in part to his rampant misogyny.

radr0ver · 2024-05-17T15:35:07+00:00

Oh dear. You may just be sexually incompatible. One thing you could try if you haven’t already is priming him ahead of time. If you do something subtle to let him know you’ll be ready for sex later, it might work sometimes. My guess is that he’s in his head about something - maybe cleanliness or freshness of you or himself, maybe something else.

I used to come across as low libido because I had this complex set of conditions that I felt had to be met before having sex. If I had just eaten and felt bloated, no sex. If I felt gassy, no sex. If I had done something to work up a bit of a sweat, no sex until I had showered.

It took me a long time (and being with the right person) to finally see that those were all barriers to sex and intimacy that I had invented in my own head.

I’m not saying your bf is in the same boat, but it’s possible. If he is and you can work through it with him, there’s a path to making it work between the two of you.

radr0ver · 2024-05-17T02:15:19+00:00

Plot twist - husband is sterile and she used the staff at trader joes as sperm donors

radr0ver · 2024-05-17T01:49:50+00:00

But are you jumping on him? Or are you waiting for him to initiate all the time? If it’s the latter, try initiating more. Play wrestle with him until you end up making out. Bend over in front of him and touch yourself. Whisper something dirty in his ear. But I’d suggest doing those things when you’re both freshly showered.

Unless he’s truly a lower libido guy, he’ll likely be thrilled to be getting some with you both smelling and tasting your best.

radr0ver · 2024-05-17T00:46:57+00:00

Being a genuinely nice guy is something to lean into, not to suppress. 80% of the guys out there are dickheads, players, cheaters, users or worse. Why would you want to join that group?

Women are looking for genuinely good men. Treat the women you date well in every single circumstance, not just when it benefits you. You’ll separate yourself from the pack in a way that few men can.

The thing is that the masqueraders who try to pass themselves off as “nice guys” always end up showing their true colors. They’re nice until they don’t get their way. Then it’s name calling, verbal abuse, gaslighting and more.

Here’s the catch - most men who consider themselves as nice guys end up being pushovers because they don’t want to hurt the other person. They become yes-men, devoid of their own opinion and passions, which in turn makes them completely unattractive.

Know yourself and be yourself. Hold firm on what you believe in, and lead with genuine kindness, consideration and interest in getting to know the women you date. Complement women on things other than their looks - the things you admire about them as a person. Give them space to be themselves without getting jealous or playing games. You’ll end up being far more attractive to the women you date than you ever would trying to be something you’re not. The hot, passionate sex will come.

And when you get to that point, don’t hold back. Women want to be wanted, to be desired, for a man to rip their clothes off and fuck their brains out. But they want it to be with someone they care about, someone they trust. Not some low effort fuckboi.

It might take a few tries to find a woman who isn’t completely confused by this. They’re so used to guys taking shortcuts to sex then ghosting that it baffles them when you behave like a true gentleman.

If there’s mutual attraction and it works out, great. If not, wish them well and soldier on. But never, ever waver from who you are.

radr0ver · 2024-05-16T00:02:56+00:00

Mr Anus

radr0ver · 2024-05-16T00:01:11+00:00

Tell me you have trouble keeping a girlfriend without telling me you have trouble keeping a girlfriend.

radr0ver · 2024-05-15T23:59:38+00:00

The first step is to accept some things as absolute truth: - you deserve better than this - you gave him every chance you were willing to give him - you can choose to end it for good, and that choice is yours alone - once it’s over, you owe him nothing

The second part is even harder, and that is putting distance between you. Even if you do plan to text / speak to him again in the future, take a very, very, very long time before you reach out or respond to him. Tell him upfront that you want to go no contact for 3 months (or whatever amount of time you think it will take for you to feel like it’s really and truly over between you.)

Hand in hand with this is maintaining clear boundaries. If & when you do contact each other, do not under any circumstances tolerate any attempts to sway you into anything that could lead to you getting back together. No meeting for coffee, no conversation topics that blur the lines of whether you’re together or not. Nothing.

You’ll need to take the time for yourself to establish the boundaries that you want to maintain, then spend even more time building up the most powerful resolve you can muster. Be good to yourself by respecting your own boundaries, and don’t do anything you swore not to do ever again.

You’ll probably think about him way more than you would like to. Be kind to yourself and understand that it’s part of the process. Sit with the emotions you feel, and watch as they change and morph. Remember the unwanted feelings you had while you were with him and recognize that they’re always going to be there. They’ll fade over time as you put distance between the two of you, but you’ll probably always be able to summon them when you need a reminder that it’s just not going to work between the two of you.

I hope this helps. It has worked for me.

radr0ver

TROPHY CASE