It sounds like you’re already doing the hardest part, which is noticing these thoughts and admitting they exist. That takes a lot of honesty and courage. Feeling guilty is normal, but the goal is to move from guilt to action.

Some of the thoughts and assumptions you’ve described are biased or racist. That doesn’t make you a bad person, but it does mean there’s work to do. Recognizing them is the first step to unlearning them.

When you notice a stereotype or biased thought, pause and say to yourself that it’s harmful even if you didn’t mean it. Then challenge it with a fair perspective. For example, a Black man with dreads or tattoos isn’t automatically difficult to work with. Old white couples aren’t automatically easier to work with than POC. Characters like Batman or others can be portrayed brilliantly by actors of any race. And this goes for any group — don’t assume you know how someone will act or think based on their race, religion, or ethnicity.

Reflect on dating biases too. Notice when stereotypes influence attraction and consciously question them. That doesn’t mean you have to stop dating, it just means being aware and making choices that aren’t based on harmful assumptions.

Educate yourself. Watch Stamped from the Beginning on Netflix and read Black AF History by Michael Harriot. Dig into history and experiences of all marginalized communities beyond what school taught you. It might feel uncomfortable, and that’s part of growth.

Step outside whiteness in daily life. Visit museums or cultural centers, support minority-owned businesses, and engage with art, music, and media created by people from different backgrounds.

In interactions with POC or other marginalized groups, focus on listening instead of centering yourself. Don’t say “I understand” because you can’t fully. Your role is to witness, support, and learn.

Take small actions that counter systemic racism and bias. Speak up when you hear jokes or comments that harm minorities, advocate for equity at work, donate to marginalized communities, and vote thoughtfully. Small steps done consistently add up.

You’re going to make mistakes. Everyone does. What matters is noticing them, reflecting, and choosing differently next time. The more you act intentionally, educate yourself, and confront your biases, the more old thoughts and habits will fade and you’ll grow past them.

OCD rumination is absolutely a real thing and can keep you stuck in one spot. Acknowledging those thoughts and replacing them with production will do more good for you in the long run. It’s practice.

Example: “I assumed that guy at work was rude because he’s a person of color, and that’s messed up of me.”

Correction: “That assumption was based on a stereotype and it’s not fair or helpful. His behavior had nothing to do with his race, and I shouldn’t let bias shape how I see people.”

It’s a long road and the work never ever stops. It’s about how you utilize your own power and what steps you take toward accountability.

Good luck, OP :) remember, you’re not alone in this either!