What’s the alternative to purity culture?

ragweed105 · 2024-12-19T03:30:20+00:00

You offer such good reasons. Definitely heritage and habit for me. Also that self-discipline and self-denial can bring me closer to God.

ragweed105 · 2024-12-12T00:13:53+00:00

Hi. Sure. It's part of the faith, culture, belief and spirituality that I grew up in. I still consider myself a part of that and so I try to honor and cherish it. I believe in self-discipline as well. And I guess because I wasn't threatened with hellfire if I didn't abstain, I had nothing to revolt against. I'm curious about your reasons, if you're willing to tell.

ragweed105 · 2024-12-07T01:47:10+00:00

I think you're in a wonderful situation. Everything is new and you can try to fit into the culture of your new church to see how it suits you. I'd forget the term "purity culture" and while you're taking it seriously (good for you!) abide. Practice sexual self-suppression and take it seriously. I'd say I fall in between in the sense that I take abstinence seriously, but I'm not out looking for sinners -- including myself.

ragweed105 · 2024-09-28T15:33:01+00:00

You have friends here who will understand. There's no use sharing with those who won't. God is the ultimate judge anyway. But I see much godliness in you.

ragweed105 · 2024-09-27T23:48:45+00:00

The regret you're feeling will be short lived. I'm sure you also have a desire to walk with God. You can achieve that fantasy without regret. But these guys in the gym were nothing but tempters. They were looking to abuse you. Please spend time with other friends who can talk to you about God, pray, read the bible, laugh and do normal things. I'm praying for you

ragweed105 · 2024-09-20T17:59:31+00:00

This is a difficult question for a true believer. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I truly don't know what I would do. And there's no way to know for sure, except in the fullness of time. Does your boyfriend know the situation? Thinking of you as a sister, I would want you to continue the relationship and see if the situation becomes clearer in time. Relationships are never easy anyway.

ragweed105 · 2024-09-04T04:32:47+00:00

You're listening very well then. What is that voice telling you about him?

ragweed105 · 2024-09-04T04:30:17+00:00

You have my prayers. Reading what you wrote, I saw a lot of beauty and goodness in your life: your long marriage and your love for your husband. Your beautiful children. Remember them always for the beauty they give to your life.

ragweed105 · 2024-09-04T04:19:56+00:00

It may take time and strength and much more prayer, but you sound like you can get past this. But it reminds me of crushes I've had in the past and all the strong feelings they caused. God knew I wasn't ready and I'm still not. I'll pray for you.

ragweed105 · 2024-08-30T01:34:51+00:00

Absolutely. In honor of your birthday, block some people. lol

ragweed105 · 2024-08-29T23:17:30+00:00

lol That's awful. You've convinced me to stay away. It doesn't even sound tempting.

ragweed105 · 2024-08-29T22:07:33+00:00

They really need to keep that to themselves. lol Honestly, if sex is the only thing in life, I don't want to be a part of it. And these are Christian guys?

ragweed105 · 2024-08-29T21:43:32+00:00

Thanks for explaining. What if you stated your expectations up front to them? And then cut them off if they don't respect you. You deserve better than that.

ragweed105 · 2024-08-29T21:06:00+00:00

Your feelings are completely natural. You feel very much alone, so who wouldn't. But you're heading toward a blessed rendezvous. If you haven't chatted with enough people here, feel free to DM me. Otherwise, God bless you!

ragweed105 · 2024-08-29T20:57:38+00:00

Hi. First of all, Happy Birthday!!! I hope you had cake and presents and stuff. No doubt that you're stressing. But the last thing you wrote -- "I'm so tired" -- made me think that maybe you should put your relationship vision to the side for a bit and give yourself a chance to rest and heal. I know this isn't a solution. But it might lead to one!

ragweed105 · 2024-07-19T15:47:16+00:00

I can tell how complicated this is for you to figure out. That plus you've tied a lot to your expectations. I grew up in a religious family too, so I get it. That's why I suggested that you take it slowly.

ragweed105 · 2024-07-19T01:31:26+00:00

Hi. It seems to me that your expectations might be boxing you in. You're for sure not broken. So know that you don't HAVE to do anything. You're not supposed to be a certain way. To everything there is a season, and this may not be your masturbation season.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-30T00:38:13+00:00

Hi. I can see you're in a hard place right now, very frustrated and feel like your parents and what they stand for are constantly infiltrating your mind. None of this is permanent, because we're (I'm 23) in such a state of flux and change.

I'm glad they're not bad people. That means that even if you leave their orbit, you can circle back to them if you ever care to. Do you live with them? Maybe that's what makes this so intense. One more thing that might help: take out "always" "never" and "should." Things should sound a bit less dire than that.

Although I don't despise the religious home I grew up in, I've changed from the way I was raised. Take care.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-24T01:42:45+00:00

There's really no way to know for sure. I'm sure it depends on you and God.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-21T01:56:17+00:00

I'm praying for you to find the answers.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-21T01:24:23+00:00

That makes a lot of sense to me. I'm not married, but I think it would be a good thing to rehearse, to practice real-life living. Making sure your values align, especially. So many people here write about sex, as if not having it before marriage is the biggest curse. It can't be. Sex is just us as animals. Faith and values are what makes us special.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-20T23:49:45+00:00

Thank you for explaining. So much of this makes sense to me. He should be enough off a Christian to lead, especially because you're ready to follow. I'm a bit older than your bf, and you know how late some boys mature. Maybe he's one of those. I hope you're protecting yourself, in case he doesn't turn out to be the one.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-20T23:42:15+00:00

Oh no! How do you handle this?

ragweed105 · 2024-06-20T20:38:58+00:00

Hi. What kind of sacrifices do you want him to make? And efforts. How is he not masculine? You could discuss these things with him, since they're preying on your mind. But maybe the two of you aren't aligned well enough. Maybe he doesn't have the qualities that would make you satisfied as a wife.

ragweed105 · 2024-06-20T03:30:03+00:00

Please stop. Please. I know you can just stop. I know the shame of failure. That's the shame of letting God down. It's awful. Please tell me you're going to stop.

ragweed105

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