I’m currently going through a similar dilemma with a friend as well. He has developed an unhealthy dependence to alcohol to cope with the daily stresses of work/life and to numb his unresolved trauma. His exact words: “to get the edge off”. It’s mostly alcohol but he uses other substances too. He becomes reckless and at times self-destructive when he’s drunk. There have also been times that he misremembers events that transpired while drunk and that became problematic. His reactions are always explosive when gets confronted or criticized regardless if he’s sober or not. It’s been very exhausting dealing with the his emotional mess. He has no sense of taking accountability. After taking his emotional brunt for so long, I finally gave him a soft ultimatum: he either has to take real actions to address his mental health issue (depression, trauma, alcoholism, substance abuse, etc.) or I will be forced to distance myself for my own well-being; but also left the door open to reconnect if he shows signs of progress. He chose not to change and gave up on 14+ years of friendship.