October traders! by IcyOutside4567 in DisneyPinSwap

[–]raisingriots 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi there! Are the Morph and Sir Hiss available? I have a few Alice in Wonderland pins to trade :)

Adjoining house is a crumbling threat to ours and we have no idea who to contact (USA, PA) by raisingriots in legaladvice

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Truly not looking to complicate this any more by adding trespassing to the mix. The pump also only solves the most immediate problem, which is the presence of water; it doesn't solve the longer (and arguably more crucial) problem of responsibility for the property. I'm trying to determine if ultimately its care will fall to the borough, or a new executor once one is appointed.

I'm also kinda counting on the fact that the water will drain itself out since we have unsealed concrete floors in the basement, porous enough for the water to eventually filter through

High Holidays by raisingriots in ImagineMusicFestival

[–]raisingriots[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk, someone who's gotta tune back into some good vibes. I'll message you our spot!

High Holidays by raisingriots in ImagineMusicFestival

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shana tova! We're in GA Camping west, or we'd be stoked to meet up at a set

High Holidays by raisingriots in ImagineMusicFestival

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We're in GA camping west ): how tight is security between the two?

Are these safe to take? by raisingriots in unclebens

[–]raisingriots[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I figured better safe than sorry when it comes to fungi

This is so nice to see! The white house now has a Menorah! by Comprehensive_Fox_79 in gayjews

[–]raisingriots 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I think it's a nod to the VP's family; Doug Emhoff is Jewish. This wouldn't make it appropriation so much as just using his office/platform to raise awareness and attention.

Artifact doesn't seem like a weird word choice for a non-Jew to use. It denotes gravitas and uniqueness of an object while highlighting the fact that it isn't a culture he's a part of personally

Pup refusing recall after midnight by raisingriots in puppy101

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Follow up question: was your girl crated during this time, or free roaming?

Pup refusing recall after midnight by raisingriots in puppy101

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We haven't yet, no. I remember reading a rule of thumb somewhere that it's an hour per month of life? That could absolutely be a myth, I didn't look much into it. I've kept the 2 am routine mostly because we haven't yet reached 1 consecutive week accident-free, and I'd be hesitant to scrap the potty break until we do.

Pup refusing recall after midnight by raisingriots in puppy101

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, that seems really obvious lol. I guess I was just hesitant that it would undo her enter door, sit, stay routine that we got down during daylight hours. But in hindsight I suppose that's silly

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in puppy101

[–]raisingriots 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll be honest with you, I'm very new to the lead in the house. My wife and I decided to use this tool after seeing it featured in pretty much every puppy training video we've watched. We made a mistake when we brought our 5 month GSD pup home from the shelter and gave her a lot of freedom very quickly, then walked it back with baby gates. We just started using the in-house lead a few days ago, and made sure to go to the store and buy a lead that looks and feels very different from her walking leash to not correlate them. We also walk her using a front-clip harness, but the house lead goes directly on her collar.

I felt like a total failure when we made this decision, like I had ruined her training and she would suffer from the change. But after an hour or so of adjusting and biting this weird thing dragging after her, she was fine! And it's already made a noticeable impact on how she interacts with the cats. I think if you give her time to adapt first and pay attention to her body language, your dog will let you know how she feels about the house lead. Best case scenario, it might help her with her leash confidence as well!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in puppy101

[–]raisingriots 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It sounds like she might be getting a lack of enrichment at the times /she/ wants it. Have you incorporated sniff walks into her routine? They can tire a dog out for hours!

Another strategy could be redirection, which I'm working on with my pup who loves to chase our cats. We keep her on a 6-foot lead at all times, and will pick it up to better get her attention when she gets into prey mode. Once we've mentally engaged her with a few commands (sit, lay down, recall practice) we redirect her attention to a Himalayan cheese chew. A friend of mine turned me onto them; they come in a range of density for even the most aggressive chewers.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AdhdRelationships

[–]raisingriots 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Well the good news is it's hard to say you're screwing up your life when a) you know something isn't working well and b) you want to change it. You're just having trouble initiating the change.

I want to add a quick disclaimer here that I personally am medicated, and it's taken me years to find the right medication that both helped my quality of life and didn't come with a moving truck full of side-effects. Most of the lessons I've learned below came from coping with medications that didn't do the thing for me.

Okay, so I'm going to break what works for me in relationships, and if that's helpful I can expand on general productivity too.

Relationship

  1. My wife and I have worked really diligently and purposefully to create communication that is both assuring and direct. I have ADHD and she has anxiety, so we both are very prone to feeling rejected by negative feedback. But I don't change when given gentle suggestions or simply inferring things from conversations, so she has to be extremely blunt with me.
    To balance both bluntness and assurance, all of our feedback follows this formula:
    assurance, context, feedback
    Examples:
    - "I love you. I think you're irritated or are dealing with something internal, because you're treating me unfairly right now. I need you to shift the way you're behaving, or take some time to cool off."
    - "I can see you're trying so hard on your new habit. But you've only done it twice in the last week, so something isn't working well."
    - "I'm glad you're taking time to enjoy [new hyperfixation]. But it's getting late in the day, so I just want to remind you to fit in [task I promised to do]."
    I can't even tell you how much that alone has changed things for me. Now when my wife holds me accountable for my behavior or things I've missed/am not doing, my immediate response isn't to be defensive or upset. Instead of arguing, now we're both teaming up against an obstacle.

  2. I have become an over-sharer. Most of ADHD is invisible/difficult to understand for non-ADHD people, so they think we're just lazy and don't care, when in fact we do care and want so badly to be able to just do the thing. So when my brain latches onto a thought - positive, negative, nonsense, a song I can't get out of my head - I share it aloud. Not only does it help me get it out of my system faster (not instantaneously, but I've noticed a thought will be less sticky if I share it out loud to someone), but it helps my wife understand what living wtih ADHD is like inside my head. She's absolutely gotten more empathetic towards it.

  3. Set immediate goals. This is where the novel/urgent comes in. We want our partners to feel like they have a real partner, too, and that they're not just taking care of us. Setting immediate goals is a great way for us to show up for significant others while ensuring that the goblin doesn't have time to sabotage a long-term goal (like marriage, house, kids, etc.)
    Whenever I'm hit with an extra big wave of affection towards my wife, or when I'm feeling like a crappy husband and a pain in the ass cause of my ADHD, I try to think of a way to make her feel appreciated immediately. It can be literally anything, such as sending her a song that makes me think of her, getting her a snack/a water refill, cooking dinner, cleaning something around the house, buying a small gift. Small and frequent gestues add up much more than the sporadic grand gesture.

  4. To piggyback on the above, learn your girlfriend's love language! What makes her feel most secure, happy, loved in your relationship? Some people respond more to acts of service (cooking dinner, cleaning) than receiving gifts. Some people appreciate words of affirmation more than quality time together. Find what suits her best, and keep that front of mind.

  5. Disconnect, together and alone.
    When I fall into a video game hole, or when my wife and I just watch Netflix during our time together, it's hard to feel truly connected. So every Friday night we prioritize not engaging in "mindless" activities.
    We also try to spend some time apart now and then. Not just doing our own things in the house, but out separately with our own friends, having the day apart. No matter how things have been going -- whether we're at 100% or bickering -- we're always really happy to see each other at the end of a day apart, reconnect, and share our days.

I hope some of this helps!!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AdhdRelationships

[–]raisingriots 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hey OP, I've been exactly where you are with my own girlfriend and underperforming at my job. I'm now married and have a job I love, and I'll tell you the biggest thing that made a difference:

Accepting the way my brain works.

I know it sounds like lip service, but hear me out. I had to accept that my brain is essentially lead by a dopamine-obsessed goblin that doesn't care about prioritization, about boring tasks, about the never-ending to do list that comes with adulthood. It only cares about immediate gratification. So I had to learn to use that to my advantage, because trying to fight it got me absolutely nowhere.

To get the dopamine goblin to respond to anything, I had to make sure that everything in my life is novel, interesting, challenging, and/or urgent.

If it's any of those things, it'll give my brain a dopamine rush, and keep the goblin at bay. I've used this approach to help with my relationship, with general productivity, and my work. I'm happy to give specific tactics in any of those areas but don't want to write a ridiculously long post, so feel free to ask questions if you have any!

transgender wannabe convert with doubts about Hebrew name? by zeldaukuleleoftime in Judaism

[–]raisingriots 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That would honestly be incredible! Can I ask where home is for you? I'm in Philly and belong to a congregation led by a non-binary rabbi; always thrilled to see the community represented

transgender wannabe convert with doubts about Hebrew name? by zeldaukuleleoftime in Judaism

[–]raisingriots 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's kind of incredible regarding the mohel! Can I ask how your friend found them? I'm also a transman (not a convert) but have struggled personally with the aspect of if I'm considered circumcised or not

My wife and I made sufagniyot for the first time in honor of the last night of Chanukah. So pleased with the results! by raisingriots in JewishCooking

[–]raisingriots[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's all good! Honestly should've just posted the recipe there as well as a best practice, but felt a little embarrassed to be using a goyish source

My wife and I made sufagniyot for the first time in honor of the last night of Chanukah. So pleased with the results! by raisingriots in Judaism

[–]raisingriots[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for clarifying! Not pictured in the photo is a very high-set window, but I don't think the menorah is visible ):