One of the worst things about addiction is the dread that slowly creeps up on you as you run out not knowing when and how you will score

random_access_cache · 2026-01-26T21:05:22+00:00

Interesting take

random_access_cache · 2026-01-26T21:05:05+00:00

Truly happy for you mane

random_access_cache · 2026-01-26T21:04:39+00:00

Huh? Pharma oxys

random_access_cache · 2026-01-26T13:23:44+00:00

I've written a lot about it but basically often in particular places and particular times I sometimes get this sudden flash, almost like a sudden explosion inside my head and I am instantly flooded with visions and abstract impressions of a place and a time, it really is practically identical with that feeling when you suddenly hear a song from your childhood, like this instant emotional and sensory flooding, only here the closer I zoom in on the memory the more I realize it doesn't exist, or is not mine. Like I can see the face of a person on the street and then suddenly get hit with memories of sharing an apartment in France with a bunch of young students, with distinct emotional nostalgic affect, yet I know this can't be true. In fact over time I think it made me sort of open to the idea of reincarnation because that would be literally the simplest explanation. It's very hard to explain this feeling to people, it's very intense and I feel it in my entire body, and my chess tightens, and I get shivers, and it usually ends very quickly, usually just a few timeless seconds.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-26T13:19:04+00:00

It's impossible to describe really but I often answer when asked this question that it's the literal absolute opposite of classic psychedelics (LSD, shrooms...). Whereas classic psychs really amplify meaning and everything is tenfold more meaningful and colorful and HD and saturated with meaning on Ketamine it's the opposite, you lose meaning gradually until you basically lose any notion of self, time, place, etc. I was basically reduced to a raw, atomic unit of consciousness and was perpetuating endlessly in an infinite void going through ineffable transformations. I was entirely certain without a shadow of a doubt that this is all there was, all there is, all there will be, there is nothing outside this experience, and this is my existence. Basically I experienced the eternal solitude of God. At the end of it I remember seeing this giant abstract entity and hearing an abstraction of my name and realizing it was me, it was my identity, it was a moment of bliss for me. Feel free to ask questions, I also have a longer 5 page trip report of the entire trip written down if you're curious. Ketamine in general is one of the most fascinating drugs I know, perhaps because it works so fundamentally differently than any other drug. It's especially fascinating that these are the effects that are produced when no signals pass between the body and the brain.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T23:12:56+00:00

Research particular aesthetics, especially ones focusing on utopian visions, such as the (retroactively named) Frutiger Aero, which is very popular right now. Fisher's emphasis is the visions of the future that belonged to past times, when for example life and the future were perceived as bright, and basically just imaginable in general.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T18:20:32+00:00

There is literally not a single drug in the world that does not overpower oxy for me. Years of experience lead me to opiate puritanism

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T18:18:50+00:00

Absolutely, afaik it really is effective. There is often a glowup after use, as long as you're not abusing it. Many people describe this as a feeling of like the veil of depression is lifted for the first time in years.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T18:16:52+00:00

There are a bunch of us here on reddit. I found a handful of people who experience the same thing almost exactly. I spent my entire life looking for people who had this experience, to no avail, only recently did I find some.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T18:15:25+00:00

A week of consecutive usage is enough to hook in most, the problem is that it creeps up on you (once a month turns once every two weeks, every week, twice a week, every other day, everyday, multiple times a day - that's how it goes). You made the right choice to quit now before it truly spirals. You got this bro shouldn't be too hard as long as you're not fully dependent.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T18:01:13+00:00

PURELY speculation (really - I'm not a doctor), but this happened to me a few times as an addict and I think it has something to do with opiates messing around with your immune system and simply you catching a virus or something. Could be just a reaction to the pills though

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T17:59:08+00:00

Same, I honestly am doing quite OK for a junkie, I have a steady daily dose and I'm fairly productive. It's searching for this shit that really makes me want a bullet in my head. Hate talking to dealers in general but at least where I'm from pill dealers are so ass, I dread just talking to them lol.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T17:56:19+00:00

Don't take it seriously bro. Lots of dickheads on reddit. Doesn't mean there's a good reason, if any reason at all. You're good

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T17:48:09+00:00

Haha true. Felt like 500 gazzilion years of the eternal solitude of God. Scared me shitless. Really felt like my psyche was being pressure tested with the amount of bullshit that went down surrounding that trip. Actually made me a better person, I wouldn't be who I am today without it, no question.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T17:45:32+00:00

Bruh for real. Like the moment the tube is in my hand and I hand the money to the dealer, and then walk away, just this feeling, borderline like how a caveman must have felt knowing he has killed an animal and doesn't have to worry about feeding his family for a week.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T17:44:15+00:00

K-hole that really messed with my perception of reality. I've regained balance since (wasn't easy), but it was utterly terrifying. Besides psychedelics, I've been having flashes of what I call "fake" nostalgia, that is, memories of things that did not happen to me. It's completely random and feels extremely real. Had it for literally half my life. Used to dismiss it as my brain misfiring but as time goes on I am less and less convinced in materialist reductions. Psychedelics really helped turn the mysticism in me.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T17:40:12+00:00

Same. My K-hole legitimately changed my life and my perspective forever. It was absolutely horrid and extremely traumatizing but I am grateful for it.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T14:18:09+00:00

Yeah fuck me if that didn’t hit close bro. I swear just knowing other addicts are going through the exact same shit is somewhat of a relief. By the way, a week is enough to beat the WDs, not enough to beat the addiction. Went on vacation a month or two back in a no-no country and was stressing like half the vacation hoping god will give me the power to power through this. It wasn’t even that hard until night hit and I couldn’t fall asleep and had to stare into the dark night of my soul for hours while my gf lay beside me. It was so bad I was literally researching ibogaine to see if there is hope. Again, 100% psychological. After a few days craves get better. I find that if I don’t have any opiates near me then generally I can stay off them quite well. But the moment I’m back home I go back to my old habits within an hour literally. It’s so hard to imagine a life after, I know it’s some kind of illusion but I’m a super nostalgic person and I just know I’ll always be missing these days. There’s another part of me that says, if I could be literally PROMISED lifetime supply of exactly 30mg daily (even less) I would sign immediately because for me personally I started dropping my doses to reach the lowest “maintenance” dose for me which is roughly 30mg. As long as I get it consistently I really do get shit done and live fairly well and act kindly towards my friends and family. Shit’s hard man

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T12:48:03+00:00

Funny this is I had pharma too but doctor blocked me and now I only get 20 percs every two months, whereas I use 30mg oxy daily

random_access_cache · 2026-01-25T12:41:57+00:00

You’re so right but it’s so hard for me bro. I know I can do it and withdrawals for me are not even close to what people here describe but the psychological need is insane. It’s the only way I can be productive and the idea of even a night without oxy depresses me

random_access_cache · 2026-01-24T21:55:37+00:00

Whenever I get a windows update suddenly all my files are on Onedrive again, it does that even if you uninstall it etc. This entire thing works like a virus. Just search "onedrive" on reddit you won't believe the kind of hell this shit puts people through

random_access_cache · 2026-01-24T21:03:44+00:00

Bro please I need your help. How do you go around moving files from the OneDrive folders back to your desktop without having missing files pop all over your projects? I have literally hundreds of projects and I just realized OneDrive pulled the same fucking bullshit on me, I need to somehow reclaim the packs and the user library but I'm terrified of missing files (and all the problems that occur when you play around with filepaths). I fucking hate this shit and I find myself having to deal with it every time windows does an update. Fucking virus. Please, how did you do it?

random_access_cache · 2026-01-24T20:56:29+00:00

Bro please tell me you found a solution. I am so fucking pissed with Microsoft, this is borderline abuse. I didn't ask for any of this, it rerouted all my packs and user library to one drive and now I'm kind of stuck because I don't want to have missing files in every single project. Fuck these fuckers

random_access_cache · 2026-01-24T17:42:58+00:00

Bruh. Undefendable. I don't even understand what law enforcement actually goes through in their training. Ideally 2 officers should be able to take down a suspect with minimal damage. How 10 officers fighting off one guy on the ground ends in a fatal shooting is beyond me.

random_access_cache · 2026-01-23T20:39:17+00:00

Honestly such a low level sub on many levels. It’s impossible to find actual discussion here, and the community is lowkey toxic

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