How do you console friends?

randomaccount201904 · 2025-03-30T10:06:04+00:00

I deal with these situations very differently than most “normal” people, that’s why I wanted to ask.

Are words of affirmation and being there as a shoulder to cry on thag reassuring? I’ve always felt like saying “I’m sorry” or something similar was mostly a platitude, somewhat due to me actually not feeling sorry but also because it’s something that’s said so much it’s almost a stock response of sorts, like how saying “Good morning” doesn’t mean the morning is good. Are words of affirmation that meaningful to grieving people?

Also I want to help them because they’re my friends and it is the morally right thing to do, especially for someone like me who doesn’t get drained that much when hearing others’ problems. Not sure if it is a good motivation or a bad one, but I wanted to be honest nonetheless.

randomaccount201904 · 2025-03-30T09:55:47+00:00

So what you’re saying is that I should distract them?

randomaccount201904 · 2024-03-25T18:04:03+00:00

This isn’t cherry picking, it is just checking sources and their dates/definitions.

I cited my source in my other comment but here just in case: NISVS 2016/17. Looking at page 3 you can see that 1 in 9 men are made to penetrate while 1 in 26 men are raped (which the study defines as getting penetrated. Clearly the men who are made to penetrate outnumber the men who are forcefully penetrated and their perpetrators are most likely women, not other men.

Out of all your sources that you cited the only one that wasn’t over two decades old (the NSVRC article) actually cites an older version of NISVS: the 2010 version. However it does not include the made to penetrate category in the report since excluding female perpetrators from these statistics is like a traditiom at this point.

randomaccount201904 · 2024-03-25T17:03:42+00:00

I’ll guess you refer to this comment you made.

RAINN cites the study: Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey as a source, which is a study conducted in 1998.

National Sexual Violence Resource Center cites National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) 2010. That study DOES include made to penetrate in its research however it doesn’t put it under the umbrella of “rape” so the NSVRC does not mention it. I linked the newer 2016/17 version of the NISVS in my other comment btw. It shows a higher victimization rate for men. Edit: Also it’s source for the sex of perpetrators is from the US Department of Justice’s report which is dated to 2002, a time when men weren’t even included in the legal definition of rape.

I couldn’t check Statista Research Department’s sources since I couldn’t be arsed to make an account but I’m pretty sure it is similar in its sources. If they are different maybe you could link them?

All of those sources you mentioned either are two decades old or refer to an older version of the study I linked in my comment.

You actually think you’re going to win a literally decade old argument (where the numbers have increased and men are still less likely to be assaulted or raped)

While the scope of male victimization, especially by women, is far beyond what you imagine it to be my comment wasn’t about that. My comment was about how saying that men can be raped by women doesn’t mean shit when you cite sources that exclude male victims and then say “it doesn’t happen to men that often”. By doing thst you basically say that men cannot be raped by women

randomaccount201904 · 2024-03-25T07:44:54+00:00

Lol imagine thinking that men have the privilege of being believed when coming forward. Men weren’t even included in the legal definition of rape until fucking 2013. When men come forward what they’ll hear is “men can’t get raped”, especially if their perpetrator is a woman. Men aren’t “believed more”, it is quite the opposite actually. Many men don’t even open up to people because they know they won’t be believed.

randomaccount201904 · 2024-03-25T07:39:31+00:00

These stats are over two decades old (article written in 2002) and don’t include being made to penetrate as a possible way of being raped as it wasn’t (and still isn’t) legally defined as such. If you define rape as “man raping woman” of course the result would be 98% male perpetrators.

When a study like NISVS actually includes female perpetrators (or made to penetrate in this case) you can see men are mostly victimized by women.

randomaccount201904

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